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Permalink Reply by linda carver on March 9, 2011 at 9:13pm

In 2001, my mother who had walking problems for many years fell well at home alone. She put her arms out to stop her fall and broke both of her arms. The results were that they had to put a plate in one arm and pins in the other. The choice was made threw her doctor to place her in a home until she could get enough physio therapy to allow her to feed herself, give herself insulin and wipe her own bottom then she could come home.

The problems started when they put her in a room with a lady in the late stages of alzymers and started treating her like she also wasn't mentally all there. But she was a bright alert woman who they over time broke. When we were finally able to get her out of there and into a general hospital, it was to late. She died.

In the time she was in there we complained when one of the nurses kept calling her names and was very ruff with her. They just moved that nurse to another part of the Alzymers ward. We asked to have her moved off of that floor because she was mentally fit but they said they put her there because she needed extra care.

One night she phoned me at 4 a.m. crying because they wouldn't help her off the toilet and she was cold and in pain. The nursing home was almost 8 hours from my home so I asked her to phone one of my other two siblings that lived not far from there and she informed me that when she asked them for help, they complain to the home administrator and they would take it out on her. I tried to explain that by the time I got there, she would have been up, dressed and had her breakfast. Her last words to me that day were "oh honey, what's going to become of me" I told her she would be o.k. because we were trying to get her out of there. (the physio dept closed for renivations a few weeks after she got there so she never did get the help she needed)

I told my husband I needed to go home that weekend because my Mom needed me and when I got there what I saw broke my heart. Her mouth was so dry from dehydration that her lips had big cracks and sores on them and her mouth was full of scabs to where she couldn't possibly be eating. I got a warm cloth to cleans her face because her eyes were crusted shut. I asked her if she was in pain because she seemed to be moaning as I was cleaning her. She shook her head yes so I asked the nurse when last my Mom got pain meds and she said she didn't know but she asked her awhile ago and she said her response was no thank you I'm fine. It was imposible for her to have said this. She couldn't even open her mouth enough. We had a hard time getting a straw in her mouth.

I phone my younger sister who hadn't been able to get there for a few weeks because of a death the death of her son in law. I asked her to come right over which she did. When she saw our Mom, she decided to hide in her room that night and see what is going on. In the morning when someone finally came around she herd them ask each other what hole they should shove her oatmeal in to get rid of it. At that point she came out of her room and asked which one of the nurses made that comment and of course they just started to ball her out for being there.

As my sister works for 17 doctors, she new what was the thing to do at that point and told the nurses to phone for an ambulance. They refused until they had a chat with the administrator and the doctor who by the way practised not by coming to the home but by phone as it turned out in their notes. This was a regular practice there. In our investigations, we found out the doctor had only seen her on admition and she was there 18 month.

My sister phoned for an ambulance herself and had her taken to the hospital. The home called for one also, several hours after my mother was already admitted and when she was admitted she was in full code.

They got away with abuse and neglect. The punishment for all their mistreatment of my Mom was to be monitored for 6 month randomly. Whoopy. We lost our Mother and nothing can ever replace her. There were other instances, but this one was the last one and the most fatal.

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Permalink Reply by Cloe on March 10, 2011 at 4:34pm

I am reading these posts and am crying.

I can relate to them as I know life in a nursing home is not as beautiful and easy as it is portrayed to be. 

Residents are paying the price at the hands of the people who are supposed to provide them with comfort when the family members are too far or cannot visit them on a regular basis.

My dad was spared some bad treatment after my brother came in unannounced and threatened to report the staff for what they had put my dad through.

At this point and time in my life, I cant help but wonder what will be in store for people like me (and us ) when the day comes where we are no longer able to look after ourselves.

Are there any advocates who can intervene without the fear of retaliation from these institutions?

I am at a loss right now...

My family lives far and I dont want to burden them as they too have their own lives to live...

It would seem that CARE takes a different meaning when it comes to many caregivers.

Sad sad sad

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Permalink Reply by Dudley on March 10, 2011 at 10:35pm

I don't believe in any kind of abuse, elder or young.. I had one sister in law in a nursing home for two years, she received excellent care right to the end.

A good buddy of mine, we had to take him out of his apartment and put him in a home, and I'll tell you it was misery for him..

If family is not there daily to help their loved one, then they don't get the help..

 

Just like to say one thing about Mickey Rooney, I know he means well and I'm glad he did step forward..

So now he was "Abused" by his family..But just look back at all the "Abuse" he put his ex wives through, this man was pretty physical for a little guy. He had 7 wives and one heck of a temper!

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Permalink Reply by Dana Dana on March 13, 2011 at 2:29pm

We are starting to sound, as a lot, not any better than the family who kept their elder in the garage. How do we change things for the better?

How to change the attitudes of the 'care givers' who are employed, whether private or publicly?

Those with alzheimers don't care anyway??? Not all oldsters are demented but it is easy to treat us that way, it seems, easier than actually doing something real and connecting with those in our care in a heartfelt way.

Is the job too tough to care? Let's allow some imigrants in to take those jobs from those who do not care anymore. I am sure, postive, that we could find many workers who would be happy to do this work if they would only be allowed in. Obviously, we do not have enough of our own caring sorts to do the job in the best ways.

I do not think it is all about money.

I think it is a mentality and culture within any organization. When a newbie arrives they watch and usually fall in line and take on whatever theme is de rigeur for a place....yes? 

Is it something like that mentality that overtakes guards in prisons as demonstrated by a university experiment? The guards 'naturally' became more vicious than they had been before. It is the culture of the job and accepted by those within the system. Seems to be the same with elder care homes.

Not too often do we hear whistles being blown, and certainly not under our dear cons.

 

Bullying is everywhere these days......children; countries at war creating warriors without any creation of the opposite. No, not a far stretch....the same thing all over. We are not a caring society and you need to look far to find one these days it seems, with every man for him/her/self.

 

Karma is a funny thing and if it makes the Rooney do something kind for someone on this planet, that's to his good, now. At least he got it before it was too late. I wonder if he sees it this way.

I wonder if the rest of us will.

Has it always been thus, and so, our own karma to suffer as those we have allowed to suffer in the past?

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Permalink Reply by Sedona on March 14, 2011 at 2:03pm

 

There are some very sad posts here

and my heart goes out

I wont post my story but

have seen a few things

 

and yes, as someone mentioned

oft times things are not said

for fear of what the home will do

 

It is good to arrive unannounced

to check up some times

 

 

Sedona :)

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Permalink Reply by Frank Maggiacomo on March 15, 2011 at 2:14pm

I'm sorry, Ms. Carver. I'm sorry you had to go through that. And your mom had to experience that pain. She doesn't have it anymore though. It was a true event though and I hope this institution gets punished when all the stories bring a tidal wave of action. They need to be turned over. Have strength.

 

Roxanne

linda carver said:

In 2001, my mother who had walking problems for many years fell well at home alone. She put her arms out to stop her fall and broke both of her arms. The results were that they had to put a plate in one arm and pins in the other. The choice was made threw her doctor to place her in a home until she could get enough physio therapy to allow her to feed herself, give herself insulin and wipe her own bottom then she could come home.

The problems started when they put her in a room with a lady in the late stages of alzymers and started treating her like she also wasn't mentally all there. But she was a bright alert woman who they over time broke. When we were finally able to get her out of there and into a general hospital, it was to late. She died.

In the time she was in there we complained when one of the nurses kept calling her names and was very ruff with her. They just moved that nurse to another part of the Alzymers ward. We asked to have her moved off of that floor because she was mentally fit but they said they put her there because she needed extra care.

One night she phoned me at 4 a.m. crying because they wouldn't help her off the toilet and she was cold and in pain. The nursing home was almost 8 hours from my home so I asked her to phone one of my other two siblings that lived not far from there and she informed me that when she asked them for help, they complain to the home administrator and they would take it out on her. I tried to explain that by the time I got there, she would have been up, dressed and had her breakfast. Her last words to me that day were "oh honey, what's going to become of me" I told her she would be o.k. because we were trying to get her out of there. (the physio dept closed for renivations a few weeks after she got there so she never did get the help she needed)

I told my husband I needed to go home that weekend because my Mom needed me and when I got there what I saw broke my heart. Her mouth was so dry from dehydration that her lips had big cracks and sores on them and her mouth was full of scabs to where she couldn't possibly be eating. I got a warm cloth to cleans her face because her eyes were crusted shut. I asked her if she was in pain because she seemed to be moaning as I was cleaning her. She shook her head yes so I asked the nurse when last my Mom got pain meds and she said she didn't know but she asked her awhile ago and she said her response was no thank you I'm fine. It was imposible for her to have said this. She couldn't even open her mouth enough. We had a hard time getting a straw in her mouth.

I phone my younger sister who hadn't been able to get there for a few weeks because of a death the death of her son in law. I asked her to come right over which she did. When she saw our Mom, she decided to hide in her room that night and see what is going on. In the morning when someone finally came around she herd them ask each other what hole they should shove her oatmeal in to get rid of it. At that point she came out of her room and asked which one of the nurses made that comment and of course they just started to ball her out for being there.

As my sister works for 17 doctors, she new what was the thing to do at that point and told the nurses to phone for an ambulance. They refused until they had a chat with the administrator and the doctor who by the way practised not by coming to the home but by phone as it turned out in their notes. This was a regular practice there. In our investigations, we found out the doctor had only seen her on admition and she was there 18 month.

My sister phoned for an ambulance herself and had her taken to the hospital. The home called for one also, several hours after my mother was already admitted and when she was admitted she was in full code.

They got away with abuse and neglect. The punishment for all their mistreatment of my Mom was to be monitored for 6 month randomly. Whoopy. We lost our Mother and nothing can ever replace her. There were other instances, but this one was the last one and the most fatal.

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Permalink Reply by Frank Maggiacomo on March 15, 2011 at 3:22pm

I'm a caregiver - for my Dad, because my Mom can't do it anymore...and he has a keen mind and a broken body. So he thinks. And knows. And plans. And he gets frustrated when he can't "do" what he wants. That turns into stubborness and anger, especially if we can't provide or compromise...let alone being bored - which we try to alleviate all the time. And if he has extra pain, that brings anger as well. I have love and respect for him - some kind of voice in my head that says: no, I don't want to respond like that. I don't want to talk to him like that. I don't even want him to hear that information (that would make him sad or angrier, or despair...). That takes some patience. And prayer and help and respite and support...BUT versus people who take on that job - that's completely different. People who fall into a job that they don't really want to do, but they got it. Or doing a job in the meantime. And they get paid. And benefits and this and that. Or maybe it's the only job they were able to get cause they're useless for anything else (or cut off from anything else for other reasons). And they have no understanding of humanity. Of a person. Of a being - behind that broken body. A being that has a life, had a life...I think the job is on the hiring process just as much as the policies and procedures - and families input and voice for the patient. Now, family who abuse, that's ANOTHER thing, which gladly, and thank God, I have no part in. Roxanne. (ps NO I'm not perfect.)

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Permalink Reply by joan on March 15, 2011 at 3:38pm

 

Yes, I went through a very trying time when my father took sick. I had called for an ambulance and he was taken to the hospital. I stayed there for a few hours while they ran tests and then I went home because I was feeling sick. I had the flu and couldn`t get out of bed I was so sick. He Laid in the emergency room for a full week,on a stretcher that was too short for his body.I had called 2 family members to go and check on him and they said he was still in emerg. I got out of sick bed, went to the Drs. and got medicine and headed straight for the hospital. When I got there he had never been shaved, teeth never cleaned and he was cold. Not a nurse was in sight. I began to clean him up and then a nurse came in and was upset that I was shaving him. I told her leave him along and to get a doctor right away, I was furious! When the Doctor came in I laid into her about my Dad`s condition and why wasn`t he in a room. She said that the hospital  rooms were full and just the women were getting a room and she said besides that that they were going to send him home. Send him home, he couldnt even walk!! I said let him get up I want to see if he can go to the washroom, then when she checked him out she said she would run more tests.  Sure enough....he had DOUBLE PNEUMONIA!  They sure got him into a room very fast and it was even a private room. The moral of this story is that YOU DO NEED TO BE A MOUTHPIECE for an elderly person or they get lost in the shuffle. I sure hope I have one when I get to that point.

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