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Comment by harold yardy on February 25, 2013 at 11:31pm

Subject: Fwd: Job interview       Begin forwarded message:     Job with the FBI The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;  Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of  The men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your  Instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting  In a chair .. . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could  Never shoot my wife...' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man  For this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions.  He took the gun and went into the room. All was  Quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,  But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't  Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.' Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the  Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the  Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one  After another. They heard screaming, crashing,  Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was  Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to  Beat him to death with the chair.' MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them

Comment by harold yardy on February 23, 2013 at 4:36pm

where is everyone

 

Comment by harold yardy on February 23, 2013 at 4:36pm

Two women met for tea at a restaurant. One had a swollen face. Her friend asked: “What happened?”

First one: “My hubby hit me.”

Second one: “But I thought your husband was out of town.”

First one: “Yeah, I thought so too.”

Comment by Ellen Ann on February 7, 2013 at 12:23pm

I can relate to the car keys joke.  LOL

Comment by harold yardy on February 7, 2013 at 11:02am

Subject: The Car Keys - cute

 

 

 

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.
They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times  for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police.  I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered (I always call him "honey" in times like these.) "I left my keys in the Car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. He barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He  angly said ,  "I will,   as   soon as   I   convince this  policeman    that I   have   not   stolen your car." Yep,  it's  the  golden years.

Comment by harold yardy on February 6, 2013 at 4:47pm

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another.
This goes on for a half an hour and the bartender gets worried.
"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."
After thinking it over in a reassurring tone, the bartender asked.

"But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?".



"Yeah, except today is the last night."

Comment by Ellen Ann on February 4, 2013 at 2:34pm

Loved both the cab and Schnauzer jokes.

Comment by Louise Roach on January 27, 2013 at 8:44pm

I'll need to see your licence and registration, "says the policeman after stopping a middle-aged couple.  "You were speeding."

"But ofiicer," says the husband, "I was under the speed limit."

"Sir, I measured your speed and you were going too fast."

"I was not speeding!" insists the man.  "Your radar gun must be broken."

At this point, the wife leans over.  "It's no use arguing with him, officer," she says apologetically, "He always gets this stubborn when he's been drinking."

Comment by Louise Roach on January 27, 2013 at 8:39pm

To Leeners ...loved the Schnauzer joke ...lmao

Comment by Bill Arowsmith on December 25, 2012 at 6:19pm

Hazards of Drinking and Driving

I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before ~ I took a cab home.

Sure enough, I passed a police road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my garage.

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