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laugh out loud

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Comment by Lynn MacQ on July 29, 2013 at 9:59am

Because they had no reservations at a
busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there
would be a 45 minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old,"
the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
  They were seated immediately.

Comment by Lynn MacQ on July 29, 2013 at 9:57am

The reason Politicians try so hard to
get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living
under the laws they have passed.

Comment by Lynn MacQ on July 12, 2013 at 12:55pm

Us older folks understand this one, it's called:
S.O.S - Slower. Older. Smarter.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. The best things in life are free ... until the government finds out and taxes it.
Comment by harold yardy on February 25, 2013 at 11:31pm
Subject: Fwd: Job interview
 
 
 
Begin forwarded message:

    Job with the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews And testing were done, there were 3 finalists; 
Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of 
The men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your 
Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting 
In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could 
Never shoot my wife...'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man 
For this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. 
He took the gun and went into the room. All was 
Quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, 
But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't 
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the 
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the 
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one 
After another. They heard screaming, crashing, 
Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was 
Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the
Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to 
Beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:

Women are crazy. Don't mess with them
         

Comment by harold yardy on February 23, 2013 at 4:36pm

where is everyone

 

Comment by harold yardy on February 23, 2013 at 4:36pm

Two women met for tea at a restaurant. One had a swollen face. Her friend asked: “What happened?”

First one: “My hubby hit me.”

Second one: “But I thought your husband was out of town.”

First one: “Yeah, I thought so too.”

Comment by Ellen Ann on February 7, 2013 at 12:23pm

I can relate to the car keys joke.  LOL

Comment by harold yardy on February 7, 2013 at 11:02am

Subject: 
The Car Keys - cute

 
 
 

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.
They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times  for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police.  I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered (I always call him "honey" in times like these.) "I left my keys in the Car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. He barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He  angly said ,  "I will,   as   soon as   I   convince this  policeman    that I   have   not   stolen your car." Yep,  it's  the  golden years.

Comment by harold yardy on February 6, 2013 at 4:47pm

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another.
This goes on for a half an hour and the bartender gets worried.
"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."
After thinking it over in a reassurring tone, the bartender asked.

"But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?".



"Yeah, except today is the last night."

Comment by Ellen Ann on February 4, 2013 at 2:34pm

Loved both the cab and Schnauzer jokes.

 

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