Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."


WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

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Comment by Lynne G. yesterday
The University of Georgia funded a study to see why the head of a man's
thingee was larger than the shaft.. After 1 year and $180,000, they
concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to
give the man more pleasure during sex.

After they published the study, Florida State University decided to do
their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded
that the reason the head was larger than the shaf t was to give the woman
more pleasure during sex.

West Virginia University , not satisfied with these findings, conducted
their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases
beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and
hitting himself in the forehead!
Comment by Lynne G. on Tuesday
Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.
One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.'

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years.  If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'
Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'

'Who is it?' asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'

'Barb -- it's me, Rose.'
'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'
'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice.
'Rose! Where are you?' 'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'

'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.
'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again.  Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.'
'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'
'You're pitching Tuesday.'
Life is uncertain - eat dessert first.
Comment by Lynne G. on Tuesday
Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.     This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

... When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

... A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

Comment by Lynne G. on Tuesday

... When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

... The batteries were given out free of charge.

... A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

... A will is a dead giveaway.

... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

... A boiled egg is hard to beat.

... When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

... Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

... Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
  He's all right now. 

... A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

... When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

... When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

... Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.


And the cream of the twisted crop:

... Those who get too big for their britches will be totally exposed in the end.



Comment by Lynne G. on Monday

HAHAHA...another good one Greg, thanks!

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on Monday

Two blondes are in a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me..., ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first woman.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the game warden.

"But officer," replied the second girl, "we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The game warden lifted up the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," shrugged the game warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the game warden left.

As soon as he was out of sight, the women started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop! Doesn't he know that there are steelheads in this river?!"

Comment by Lynne G. on Monday

Good ones, Greg, thanks!!   :-)

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on Monday

Glasgow Flights - Airplane Food .

Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Glasgow, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement...

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mixup one minute prior to takeoff, by our airport catering service... I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals... I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued.. , "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight."

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later... "If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on Monday

A contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire had reached the final plateau.
And as she suspected, the million-dollar question was no pushover.

It was, “Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?”

She did not know the answer. And she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline.

All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde.

But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: “That’s easy. The answer is ‘C’ — the cuckoo.”

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.

Time was up. “I need an answer,” said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, “C) the cuckoo.”
“Is that your final answer?” asked Regis.
“Yes, that is my final answer,” she said, breaking into a sweat.
After the usual foot-dragging delay Regis said, “I regret to inform you that that answer is … absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!”

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
“Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you,” said the contestant. “Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice.”

“You’re welcome!” the blonde said.

“By the way,” the winner said, not being able to contain the question anymore. “How did you happen to know the right answer?”

“Oh, come on,” said the blonde. “Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on Monday

I love make-up sex with my wife. I don't really like the eyeliner she makes me put on though.


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alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"lol its only the first, sure the will do better tomorrow not much on tv tonight so its car night after news and coronation st\  Had one update but no build as yet. "
51 minutes ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
""ONE"S friday "
3 hours ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"weekends kitties find hidden "ONE" "
3 hours ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"no new build as yet so it will be later"
4 hours ago

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