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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 91
Latest Activity: 2 hours ago

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Comment by Yvonne F. 2 hours ago

Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.   As they walk, they come across a sign:  "Beauty contest for the most BEAUTIFUL WOMAN in the world."
"I am entering," said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,
"Well, how did you do?"
" First Place," said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign:
"Contest for the STRONGEST MAN in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him,
"How did you make out?"
"First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign:
"Contest! Who is the GREATEST LIAR in the world?"
Pinocchio
says "this is mine."
Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who the hell is Justin Trudeau?" asked Pinocchio.

Comment by Lynne G. 6 hours ago
A STUDENT ASKED HIS ENGLISH PROFESSOR, "WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A DILEMMA?"

THE PROFESSOR SAID, "WELL, THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN AN EXAMPLE TO ILLUSTRATE THAT."

"IMAGINE THAT YOU ARE LYING IN A BIG BED FLAT ON YOUR BACK WITH A BEAUTIFUL NAKED YOUNG WOMAN ON ONE SIDE AND A GAY MAN ON THE OTHER."

"WHICH ONE ARE YOU GOING TO TURN YOUR BACK ON?"
 
Comment by Lynne G. 6 hours ago
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake
and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.
'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.'

'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'
'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny.. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself.
Maybe you could examine me and find out.'


So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'
The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough.

But by the way, what kind of animal are you?'

The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him,
and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied,
'You're cold, you're slippery, and you have no balls...You must be a "Politician"
 
Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

HAH, Daffyd!  That's why they live longer!!  :-)   Thanks!

Comment by Daffyd yesterday

There are so many expressions not handed down like this one.


Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was recently on UK television with British TV host Anne Diamond.
She hosts, 'Good Morning Britain' for T.V. am. In their conversation he used the word "Mañana"
(pronounced "man-yana")

Anne Diamond then asked him to explain what it meant.
Iglesias said that the term means:

"Maybe the job will be done tomorrow;
Maybe the next day;
Maybe the day after that;
Or perhaps next week;
Next month;
Next year.
Who really cares?"



The host turned to Albert Yatapingu from the Gumbaingeri Tribe (Australian aboriginal)
who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in the Australian language.



"Eh" he replied, "In Australia we don't have a word to describe such a high degree of urgency." 


and that is a true story !!!!!
 

Comment by Lynne G. on Thursday

HAH!!  Good one, Daffyd, thanks...

Comment by Daffyd on Thursday

An Aussie and a Maori walk into a bakery.  The Aussie slips three pastries into his pocket.  He turns to the Maori and says pretty slick aye mate, the owner didn't see a thing.  Unimpressed, the Maori replies, typical Aussie dishonesty, I'm going to show you the honest way to do it and get the same result.
He calls over the owner, and asks if he would like to see a magic trick.  The owner says ok, and the Maori asks him for a pastry which he eats.  He asks for another and eats it, and then another and eats it as well.  At which point the owner says, where is this magic you spoke of?
The Maori points to the Aussie and says, check this guys pockets.
Comment by Lynne G. on Thursday

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter in flight, 10 men and 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave;
therwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman,

she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general

and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping .......... 

Comment by Lynne G. on Thursday

HAH Rich, I know you are a bad boy!!   ha ha ha 

Comment by Richard Davis on Thursday

Thanks Lynne you know to well.

 

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Community Activity

Gary commented on Gary H's group The Coffee Shop
"lol"
2 hours ago
Yvonne F. commented on Annette Tilden's group THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD
"Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.   As they walk, they come across a sign:  "Beauty contest for the most BEAUTIFUL WOMAN in the world." "I am entering," said Snow White. After…"
2 hours ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
3 hours ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
" think I will read not much on tv tonight hate Saturdays lol but had a nice lazy day that wind was cool. have a good night see you tomorrow"
4 hours ago

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