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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 86
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

Last week Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely.  She thought, I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone-books for escorts and sensual massages.

She looked through the phone-book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Terry, a very handsome man, with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six-pack abs, and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well-oiled butt.

She figured, what the heck, no-one will ever know anyway!  I'll give him a call.  It was answered on the first ring. 

"Good evening Ma'am, how may I help you?"

Oh my! He sounded sooooo sexy!  Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated she said, "I hear you give a great massage.  I'd like you to come to my hotel room and give me one.  No, wait. I should be straight with you.  I'm in town all alone, and all I want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now.  Bring toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.  We'll go hot and heavy all night.  Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything. I'm ready!"

"Now, how does that sound?"

He said, “That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.”

Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

Hah, thanks Greg!!!  :-)

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN yesterday

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN yesterday

Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

When I was young I decided to go to Medical School.

 

At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

 

Those who answered spine are doctors today while the rest of us are sending jokes via email.

Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

Hi Greg!  Good one, thanks!!!  :-)

Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

Thanks, Lynn...that's a new one to me!!!  ha ha ha

Comment by Lynn MacQ yesterday

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened.
A police detective is sent and is taken straight to the first body.
"Englishman, 60, died of heart failure while having relations with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile," says the coroner.
The detective is taken to the second dead man. ...
"Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." "Nothing too unusual here," thinks the detective, and asks to be shown the last body.
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Andrew Cartwright, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the detective.
To which the coroner replies: "Thought he was having his picture taken

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN yesterday

Comment by Lynne G. on Monday

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year,

 

And every year Bill would say,

 

" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

 

Blanche always replied,

 

" I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

 

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

 

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

 

" Blanche, I'm 75 years old.

 

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "

 

To this, Blanche replied,

 

" Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "

 

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

 

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

 

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "

 

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

 

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

 

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

 

But still not a word...

 

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

 

" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

 

I'm impressed! "

 

Bill replied,

 

" Well, to tell you the truth

 

I almost said something when Blanche fell out,

 

But you know,

 

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "


 


 


 

 

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alexander Mollison commented on wayne w. bastin's photo
33 minutes ago
Glady Dixon commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"Damn  I erased my post AGAIN.  Laura52   I hope you and your best friend have a super lunch together.  Lynne G  Temp. here is 70 and most of the humidity is gone.  Yippeeee.  Alex   The ONE'S…"
1 hour ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"laura52 have a good lunch!"
3 hours ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
""ONE"S for Thursday. "
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