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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 91
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

 

As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, try this one:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a
Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club.





Wait for it!












The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai. "

Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

Oh, yes, of course, Yvonne!!!   hahahahahaha!

Comment by Yvonne F. yesterday

Lynne:  The NDP will rein in their spending etc., when Liberal Trudeau's Budget balances itself.  :)

Comment by Lynne G. on Wednesday

OMG Yvonne...how true is that one?   Lofty ideas, but WHERE does the money COME FROM???  Trees?

Comment by Yvonne F. on Wednesday

The Alberta Genie... LOL good one

An Albertan is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.  He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.  A large genie appears out of the bottle and tells him he has been granted one wish.

 

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."

 

 "Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."

 

 "OK then, I want to die after our NDP government balances the budget and eliminates the debt."

 

The genie stared at him a second or two and then says …

            "You are a crafty little bastard".

 

 

Comment by Lynne G. on Tuesday

HAHAHA...funny, Dennis...hahahaha   thanks

Comment by Lynne G. on Tuesday
A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas.
The Captain gets on the megaphone and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?” 
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts,
“Gringo, we are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s.”
The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.
The Captain finally catches his breath, gets back on the megaphone and asks, “Just the four of you?”
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No senor, we are the last four.
The other 11 million are already there.”
Comment by Dennis Moeller on Tuesday

A car full of Irish nuns are sitting at a traffic light in down town Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough!!..

Comment by Lynne G. on Monday
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an
exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so
striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman
considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said....
"Clean my house."
Comment by Lynne G. on Monday

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory , 
but I got canned .   Couldn't   concentrate . 
 

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, 
but just   couldn't hack it , so they gave me the   ax . 


 

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