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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 87
Latest Activity: 15 minutes ago

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Comment by Dennis Moeller 15 minutes ago

BAD Parrot
young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary.

 

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John 
tried and tried to
 change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

 

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and 
the
 parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.  Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

 

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

 

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

 

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

 

And you thought there were no clean jokes left!  

Comment by Lynne G. 40 minutes ago

Richard says there is nothing worn under his kilt.  Everything is in perfect working order!  Just in case you were wondering!

Comment by Lynne G. 20 hours ago

Those well versed in geography, will be aware that several countries that

were once part of Yugoslavia, now describe themselves as, for example

Macedonia,  FYR - denoting: Former Yugoslav Republic.

So, If Scotland gains its independence after the forthcoming referendum,

the remainder of the United Kingdom will be known as the "Former United Kingdom" (FUK).

 In a bid to discourage Scots from voting 'yes' in the referendum,

the Government have now begun to campaign with the slogan:

"Vote NO, for FUK's sake"

 

Comment by Lynne G. 20 hours ago

Amazing, Yvonne!  Thanks!

Comment by Lynne G. 20 hours ago

> Golf Panties....
>
> The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her
> ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of 
> underwear.
>
> 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
> 'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford
> any.'
>
> The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of
> decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'
>
>
> Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her 
> skirt
> also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed 
> Virgin
> Mary, woman! You've no knickers Why not?'
>
> She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
>
> Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, 
> here's
> a
> 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear"!
>
> Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt 
> over
> her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
>
> 'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'
> She
> too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
>
> The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o
> decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'

 
Comment by Yvonne 21 hours ago

MEN TRY MAKE-UP ON FOR THE FIRST

TIME & SHAVE THEIR BEARDS TO

GET TRANSFORMED BY A

PROFESSIONAL MAKE-UP ARTIST

You gotta see this!!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wMEbyzxNHI

Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

Ouch!!  ha ha...Thanks Greg!  :-)

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN yesterday

Father Norman woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.

So he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to
say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of
town to a golf course about forty miles away.  This way he knew he wouldn’t
accidently meet anyone he knew from the parish.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.  After all, it was Sunday morning
and everyone else was at church!

At about this time Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down
from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with
this, are You?”

The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. 
IT WAS 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!!

St Peter was astonished.  He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did
You let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, Who’s  he going to tell?”

Comment by Lynne G. on Sunday
A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer
Approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually
Played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're
About evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first
Guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
 
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting
His $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and
Liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish
Priest.
 
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The
Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you.
You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a
Donation...... And, if you want to bring your mother and father along,
I'll marry them."
Comment by Lynne G. on Sunday

hahahahahaha  good ones, guys, thanks!!

 

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Community Activity

Dennis Moeller commented on Annette Tilden's group THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD
"BAD ParrotA young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary. "
15 minutes ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"morning all washes and shined out for breakfast have a great day sun but cool here but warming a little bit.  send your "ONE"S for Wednesday will do when I get back Finished W e B Griffin book so so have a Clancy one at the library"
1 hour ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
" ' Tuesdays "ONE"S "
11 hours ago
Glady Dixon commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"Lynne G   It is actually 8 weeks for Cuff but that is still getting better !  Linda   The rain has actually got less for him walking home.  Not too bad at all !  I will tell Behr to keep up the good eating habits…"
13 hours ago

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