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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 91
Latest Activity: 16 hours ago

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Comment by Lynne G. 16 hours ago

HAH!  Thanks, Daffyd!    :-)

Comment by Daffyd 16 hours ago

 

That's the spirit..........

Wisdom ------------------------- Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."

Comment by Daffyd 16 hours ago

When God sends you help, don't ask questions


She had hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP.

Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick.  I’ve locked my keys in my car.  I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure."  He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open. She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You SO  Much!  You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."

The woman hugged the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God!
You even sent me a Professional!"

Comment by Lynne G. yesterday

The  computer swallowed Grandma,
Yes, honestly it's true!
She pressed  'control and 'enter'
And she disappeared from view.

It devoured  her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a  virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle  bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing  did I find.

In desperation, I asked Mr. Google
My searches to  refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found  'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should  see,
Please 'Copy, Scan' and 'Paste' her,
And send her back to  me.

This is a tribute to all the Grandmas &  Grandpas,

Nannas  & Papas, who have been fearless 
and  learned to use the Computer...
They are the greatest!!!

Comment by Lynne G. yesterday
A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
 
Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98.
After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
 
(HERE IT COMES!!!)
 
The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and I know he won't ask for directions."
 
Comment by Yvonne F. on Thursday

BOB & THE BLONDE
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.


He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.


The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
 Bob said, "You know, I'll bet he'll jump."
 The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
 Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
 Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
  The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
  Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, and so I knew he would jump."
  The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."
  Bob took the money.

Comment by Lynne G. on Wednesday

Thanks Rich, and geez, nice to see you Daffyd...it's been a while !

Great laffs, guys!  :-)

Comment by Daffyd on Wednesday

This will make you (at least) smile out loud.......

Every wedding should have a caberet.......

http://www.chonday.com/Videos/pristwedingh2#.VEmXV7epy5g.email

Comment by Daffyd on Wednesday

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the U.N.
The only question asked was:-
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world."
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America and Russia they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent!

Comment by Daffyd on Wednesday

An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old  drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished,  the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what  would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.


The barber replied,  "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else  does."

 

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