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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 87
Latest Activity: 8 hours ago

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Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN 8 hours ago
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 y...ears old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, “Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition.

She sat under a sweets sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming!” and I smiled.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to grin.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,
“Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”… I just lost it.”

The judge slams his mallet down case dismissed
Comment by harold yardy 9 hours ago
The Newfoundland Department of Employment claimed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to Burin to investigate him.

GOVT  AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: "Well, there's  Clarence, my hired hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
                         Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Lamb's rum and a dozen Labatt Lite every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

GOVT  AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?
Comment by Yvonne France 16 hours ago

LYNNE  ---PRICELESS LOL LOL LOL

Comment by Lynne G. 18 hours ago

Thanks, Harold, good advice!!  :-)

Comment by harold yardy 19 hours ago


 ZEN TEACHINGS 

1
.  Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just push off and leave me alone. 

2
.  Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any. 

3
.  No one is listening until you pass wind. 

4
.  Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 

5
.  Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 

6
.  If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 

7
.  Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 

8
. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 

9
.  Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 

10
. If you lend someone $100 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11
. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 

12
. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree. 

13
. Good judgment comes from bad experience .... And most of that comes from bad judgment. 

14
. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 

15
. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works. 

16
. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 

17
. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 

18
. We were born naked, wet and hungry, and got slapped on our arse - then things just kept getting worse. 

19
. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Comment by Lynne G. 22 hours ago

Hahahahaha...good one...thanks  :-)

Comment by Lynn MacQ 22 hours ago

As an inspirational measure, a boss placed a sign in the restroom directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!"
The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at his sign, and right next to it, above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign, which read, "THOAP!"

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on Sunday

Comment by Lynne G. on Sunday

I second the motion, Greg...

Thanks!!!

Comment by Yvonne France on Sunday

GREG ... you are a riot!!!  Always lot of great LOL!!!

Thanks a big bunch.

Yvonne

 

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GREGORY A HEENAN commented on Annette Tilden's group THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD
"A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move,…"
8 hours ago
harold yardy commented on Annette Tilden's group THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD
"The Newfoundland Department of Employment claimed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to Burin to investigate him. GOVT  AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".…"
9 hours ago
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