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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 89
Latest Activity: 12 hours ago

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Comment by laura52 12 hours ago

Oh I loved the pen/pencil.  Priceless!  Thanks Gregory.

Lowell, how accurate! :D As she gives the evil smirk!

Comment by Lowell Brandon 23 hours ago

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN yesterday

When NASA started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work at zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that wrote at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN yesterday

Comment by Lynn MacQ yesterday

LOL, LOL Richard Davis..

Comment by Lynn MacQ yesterday

Missing wife in Maine

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Bar Harbor, Maine man answered his door to find two grim-faced Maine State Troopers.  "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the troopers.
 
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens  asked. The troopers looked at  each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Which would you like to hear first?"
 
Fearing the  worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper  said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we  found your  wife's body in the bay."
 
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Maine Lobsters that you have ever seen and 60 good-sized Rockfish clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
 
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's  the good news, then what's  the great news?"
 
The trooper  replied, "We're gonna pull her up again  tomorrow."
Comment by Richard Davis yesterday

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Comment by Richard Davis yesterday

A duck walks into a post office and asks the man behind the counter: 'Do you have any corn?' The man answers politely: 'No, we don't have any corn here.' The next day, the duck enters again and asks: 'Do you have any corn?' Annoyed, the man answers: 'No! We don't have any corn.' This goes on for a couple of days until finally, when the duck asks 'Do you have any corn?', the man gets so upset he yells: 'NO! For the last time we don't have any corn, and if you ask again I'll nail your beak to the counter!' The next day, the duck returns and asks: 'Do you have any nails?' The man answers: 'No.' Then the duck asks: 'Do you have any corn?

Comment by Lowell Brandon yesterday

U.S. hotels in 1912 did not have bathrooms.  What they DID have was a bucket in each room.  The renter would take the bucket out to the balcony and dump the contents into the alley below.  One day, ranch hands go thirsty, so they sent a ranch hand to town to get a bottle of liquor.  Down the alley comes our hero, happily toting the liquor bottle.  At the same moment, the renter upstairs dumped his whole load right onto the ranch hand.  The liquor did arrive safely to the ranch, but the ranch hands said he stunk and he needed to take a bath.  Baths in those days was a very involved proposition.  By the time the ranch hand had finished bathing, not a drop of liquor was left.

Comment by Lowell Brandon yesterday

A man and his wife were on an outing with their camper truck.  The wife was driving, and the man was in the camper sleeping naked.  The wife was stopped at a red light.  The sleepy husband wondered why they were stopped, so he got up and opened the rear door, not realizing they were driving on the street.  Just as the husband opened the door, the light turned green and the wife took off.  The forward motion of the truck cause the naked husband to stumble out onto the street, the result being the couple got divorced.

Moral: Never step out of the RV naked when the wife is driving!

 

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Community Activity

alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"Barbara lev happy dog hunting tomorrow hope you find one that likes you"
1 hour ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"well supper then early night, was up early and went to bed late Britex lol it will quieten down in a week its "
7 hours ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"yes laura52 its the exchange rate, was up most of night and early this morning it was interesting Britex. got my walk in now lunch soon then call my sister in Scotland"
11 hours ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"two three and four this morning "
11 hours ago

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