THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD
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Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
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Latest Activity: 10 hours ago
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Comment by Lowell Brandon 10 hours ago
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Comment by Yvonne F. yesterday -
THREE BLONDES
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Ontario Provincial Police Force. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you ladies want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth. "So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the First Blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the Second Blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and the Last Blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...."He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, ”I sure did. This Man Wears Contact Lenses.
"The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said,
"Well, Hellooooooooooooo!
With only One eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
DID YOU ROLL YOUR EYES? LOL LOL
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Comment by Yvonne F. yesterday
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WHY AM I DIVORCED?
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy
Birthday.'
I thought, well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember.
My kids came bounding downstairs to breakfast and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, and by the way Happy Birthday!'
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me....'
I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go!'
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Rick said,
'You know, it's such a beautiful day... we don't need to go straight
Back to the office, do we?'
I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'
He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'
After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, ’If you don't
mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.’ 'Ok.' I nervously replied.
He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake .... followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there.... on the couch......
NAKED.
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The Golden Years
HEARING AIDS BANDAIDS ROL AIDS WALKING AIDS MEDICAL AIDS GOVERNMENT AIDS
The golden years have come at last:
I cannot see, I can not pee, I cannot chew, I cannot screw. My memory shrinks, My hearing stinks, No sense of smell, I look like hell, My body is drooping Got trouble pooping. The golden years have come at last The golden years can kiss my a** !!!
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Comment by Norma yesterday -
Nixon's Ghost
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Comment by Norma yesterday
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Obama Scandals
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