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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 86
Latest Activity: 21 hours ago

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Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on July 15, 2014 at 2:59pm

This old man goes to the doctor's.

"Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman. She is hot and all she wants to do is have sex all day long."

"So what's the problem?"

"I can't remember where I live."

Comment by Lynne G. on July 15, 2014 at 2:59pm

HAH! Greg, that might NOT be a joke!!!  :-)

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on July 15, 2014 at 2:59pm

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on July 15, 2014 at 2:56pm

An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for his monthly checkup. During examination, the doctor asks how his nightly incontinence is.

"It's fine," says the old man. "I just get up and go to the bathroom, and God turns on the light for me."

The doctor finishes up the examination, and then calls in the daughter to tell her about the God-light thing.

"Oh, my God!" says the daughter. "He's been using the fridge again!"

Comment by Lynne G. on July 15, 2014 at 2:56pm

 met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hotdaughter. 

We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?

'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night.' We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'

 

 

Comment by Lynne G. on July 15, 2014 at 7:21am

Another blonde...

We laugh -- but her I. D. is safe.
 
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
 
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon"
 
When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:
 
"Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."

  

Comment by Lynne G. on July 14, 2014 at 4:29pm
A Newfoundlander living in  Toronto decided to    visit the Scarborough zoo.
While there, he  saw a man with an elephant    act.
The man claimed the elephant  could look at a person and tell    that person's  age.

 

 
The trainer had the  elephant look at a small    boy.
The elephant stamped its foot 9     times.

 

 
"Is that right?" he asked  the boy.
"Oh    yes", said the boy.

 

The Newfie was very  skeptical and said so, in    no uncertain terms.
Finally, the  trainer could take it no longer, and    offered to bet  the
Newfie that the elephant could look at him and    tell him  his age.

 

 
  The Newfie accepted the     wager.

 

 
The elephant looked very  closely at the    skeptic, then turned around,
raised his tail  and broke wind like you    wouldn't believe. Then he
turned back  around and stomped his    foot  twice.

 

 
  The Newfie stumbled back,  amazed, and with a    sound of disbelief in
his voice, cried,  "Lard tunderin' b'y,    GOD   he's right!!!!   I'm    farty-two!"  
Comment by Lynne G. on July 14, 2014 at 3:57pm

hahahahahahahahaha  

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on July 14, 2014 at 2:24pm

I just broke up with my cross eyed Girlfriend .

I thought she was seeing someone else.

.

Comment by Lynne G. on July 14, 2014 at 8:30am

Thanks, Greg, that is a real oldie but goodie!!

 

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