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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 91
Latest Activity: 2 hours ago

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Comment by Cynthia on March 24, 2015 at 10:18am

You have all given me a great laugh this morning. Thankyou.

Comment by Lynne G. on March 23, 2015 at 7:20am
SENIOR CITIZENS 
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

HEARING AIDS 

BAND AIDS 

ROLL AIDS 

WALKING AIDS 

MEDICAL AIDS 

GOVERNMENT AIDS 

MOST OF ALL, 


MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS! 

Not forgetting HIV
(Hair is Vanishing)



Comment by Lynne G. on March 23, 2015 at 7:00am

What deep thinkers men are. I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. 

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would then lead to other questions.

 

Finally, I thought about an age-old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive reasoning, I arrived at the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is clearly more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.

 

Comment by Lynne G. on March 23, 2015 at 6:43am

Interesting, Yvonne, thanks!!

Comment by Lynne G. on March 23, 2015 at 6:39am
After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.
'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder .'
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's running around with.'
Comment by Yvonne F. on March 23, 2015 at 3:17am

HAD TO SHARE THESE ... THAT WERE PASSED ON TO ME.  Some will make you smile, or say Yup that sounds right, some will make you think about what the words are saying:

WORDS OF WISDOM-2

  • Love is not what you say.  Love is what you do!!

  • You have what we call, an irrational sense of entitlement.  It won’t kill you but it will cause you to believe that you deserve shit for doing nothing.

  • Go 24-hours without complaining.  Not even once … then watch how your life starts changing.

  • When I was a child I was afraid of ghosts.  As I grew up I realized people are scarier.

  • Children need to learn to take responsibility for their actions so that they do not become adults believing that nothing is ever their fault.

  • Forgiveness liberates the soul.  It removes fear.  That is why it is such a powerful weapon.

  • Good friends don’t judge you or ask a lot of questions.  They help you move the body and never speak of it again. LOL

  • We don’t mature through age; we age in awareness.

  • I am not interested in competing with anyone. I hope we all make it.

  • Note to yourself; You are not too old and it is not too late.

  • Think for yourself, not how you are told to think. Feel for yourself, not how you are told to feel.

  • If you understand everything, you must be misinformed. (Japanese proverb)

  • Believing in your-self is the first secret to success.

  • Our prime purpose in this life is to help others … and if you can’t help them, then at least don’t hurt them.

  • Society has gotten to the point where everybody has a right, but no one has a responsibility.

  • If we do not learn to look after and to respect our elderly, we will be treated in the same way.  The quality of a society, I mean of a civilization, is also judged by how it treats elderly people and by the place it gives them in community life. (Pope Francis)

Comment by Lynne G. on March 22, 2015 at 8:29am

HAHAHA   Thanks Harold!

Comment by harold yardy on March 22, 2015 at 8:26am

A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
 
He called them into his shop, 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer.'
 
    He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. Then, as can be expected, they gladly accepted, and were off!
 
    About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
 
    'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me.
Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?'

 
ACTUALLY, SOME OF US ASK THE SAME QUESTION EVERY MORNING..... !

Comment by Lynne G. on March 21, 2015 at 7:04am
WHY OLD MEN DON'T GET HIRED>
Job Interview:
Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"
Older Man : "Honesty."

Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."
Older Man : "I really don't give a shit what you think
."
Comment by Lynne G. on March 21, 2015 at 7:03am

HAH!  Thanks Yvonne!!!  Good one...

 

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