Information

THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 88
Latest Activity: yesterday

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD to add comments!

Comment by Lynne G. on October 15, 2014 at 3:56pm
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers
and their small children. "You all have obsessions,"he observed. To the
first mother, (from Toronto) Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with
eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, (from Montreal) Ann: "Your obsession is with
money.  Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
 
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce (from BC): "Your obsession is alcohol.
This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
 
At this point, the fourth mother, (from Newfoundland) Carol, quietly got up,
took her little boy by the hand, and whispered,"Come on, Dick, this guy has
no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school
and go get dinner.
 
Comment by Lynne G. on October 15, 2014 at 3:43pm

While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, "Let's take our clothes off, and work naked."
The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, "What if someone sees us?"
But the Mother Superior says, "Don't worry, no one will see us, we'll just lock the door."
So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work.
Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic.
Mother Superior runs to the door and calls through, "Who is it?"
"Blind man," a man's voice comes back.

So she opens the door, and lets in the blind man, who turns to the nuns and says, "Great tits, ladies, now where do you want these blinds?"

 

Comment by Lynne G. on October 14, 2014 at 7:32pm

Good laffs, guys!  Thanks!

Comment by Lowell Brandon on October 14, 2014 at 7:25pm

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes."

Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.


The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater." Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar.


He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim Bob says,

"What's that?" Bubba says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed-eater?"


"No."


"Then you're a queer."

Comment by Lowell Brandon on October 14, 2014 at 7:17pm

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.


She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you jerkoffs  who want off, get the heck off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you idiots who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."


The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."


Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."


As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the witch in the kitchen."

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on October 14, 2014 at 6:03pm

Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting old. The first one said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady says, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one says, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have any of those problems, knock on wood." As she hit her knuckles on the table she looked up and said, "That must be the door... I'll get it!"..

Comment by Keith on October 14, 2014 at 3:06pm

An Irishman's First Drink With His Son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.


Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.

I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.

Then I got him an Old Style, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.

It was the same with the pint of Guinness and the Harp.

By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller. 

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on October 14, 2014 at 2:21pm

We are getting back to the don't bother reading just post

Re Oct 2 @3 55

Comment by Lynne G. on October 14, 2014 at 8:03am

After being married for 48 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said, "you're an alphabet wife...
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks, "what the hell does that mean?"

He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fabulous,
Gorgeous, and Hot".

She smiled happily and said,  "oh that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly
optimistic about saving his testicles.

Comment by Lynne G. on October 14, 2014 at 7:12am

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could
think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.



Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the
parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.


For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out
onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do
everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, 
the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

 
 

Members (88)

 
 
 

Members

Community Activity

alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"From the little bird!! "
7 hours ago
Glady Dixon commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"Laura52   You have a terrific supper and great night too. Have a nice evening all.  Will chat with you in the early p.m. tomorrow. :)"
9 hours ago
alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"all have a good night its feets up time "
9 hours ago
Glady Dixon commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"Barb    Glad you and Sam were able to sit outside for awhile and enjoy it.  Bagel morning was great as usual.  Linda Parr   Hope you enjoy having Brady today. "
9 hours ago

© 2014   Part of the Zoomer Interactive Network.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

google-site-verification: googlef2bf84fe9dda65cb.html