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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 91
Latest Activity: 10 minutes ago

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Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on June 26, 2015 at 5:36pm

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My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

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Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on June 26, 2015 at 4:23pm

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Anna realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."

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Comment by Lynne G. on June 26, 2015 at 2:11pm
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son....
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning,
I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"
Comment by Lynne G. on June 26, 2015 at 10:34am
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem .  While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have your wife shipped home for $5,500.00 or you can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $250.00."  The man thought about it and then told the undertaker that he would just have her shipped home.  The undertaker immediately asked "Why would you spend $5,500.00 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here, in the Holy Land and you would only spend $250.00?"
 
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here and then three days later, he rose from the dead.  I just can't take that chance."
Comment by Lynne G. on June 26, 2015 at 7:46am

HAHAHA...Great morning laffs...thanks, guys!!

Comment by Richard Davis on June 26, 2015 at 2:45am
this new commanding officer was sent to an African jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) which protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, you must meet my adjutant, Captain Smithers, He's my right-hand man and is really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless.

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a hunchback, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself. Well, sir, I graduated with the Sword of Honour from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the horse riding part of the Olympics. I have researched the history of.....

At that point, the colonel interrupted, yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file, tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to f*ck off.
Comment by Yvonne on June 26, 2015 at 2:08am

THIS IS A FAVOURITE ……..  SO FUNNY!!

New Version of the Three Bears Story
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning....

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge? he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair... He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he roars. 

Mommy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and Yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?

  • It was Mommy Bear who got up first.
  • It was Mommy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
  • It was Mommy Bear who made the coffee.
  • It was Mommy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and

put everything away.

  • It was Mommy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
  • It was Mommy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants.
  • It was Mommy Bear who set the damn table.
  • It was Mommy Bear, who walked the damn dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water bowls.

'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mommy Bear with your grumpy presence, so listen very carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....

And Mommy Bear’s Answer was ….

'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***** Porridge YET’

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on June 25, 2015 at 10:44pm

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Titanic is just one example of the ice bucket challenge going wrong...

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Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on June 25, 2015 at 10:42pm

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With great power comes great electricity bills

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Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on June 25, 2015 at 10:39pm

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People think Cupid is a symbol for love. Personally, I find an arrow being shot through your heart by a flying baby very horrifying.

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Community Activity

Lowell Brandon commented on Annette Tilden's group THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD
"Dennis, that #1 comment sure beats all, doesn't it?  Were these sports figures dropped on their heads as infants?  Sure sounds like it!  LOL.  Their IQ sounds about as low as their game scores."
10 minutes ago
Lowell Brandon commented on Annette Tilden's group THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD
"The founding fathers of the United States ate berries, green beans, wild turkey, oysters, cornmeal cakes, apple pandowdy (pie), ice cream, beer, boiled veggies, and hard cider.  Seems pretty much what people still eat today.  I guess…"
31 minutes ago
Lowell Brandon commented on Annette Tilden's group THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD
"Are you Canadians allowed to shoot off fireworks?  My neighborhood sounds like a war zone, and good luck driving the roads, with all the fireworks debris spread across the roads.  We are kinda fanatical about our fireworks!  LOL."
36 minutes ago
Gary commented on Gary H's group The Coffee Shop
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46 minutes ago

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