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THE NEW LAUGH OUT LOUD

Tell us your favourite joke and funny experience. This is a feel-good group. All downers will be deleted.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

 

WARNING!!! May contain nuts.

Members: 89
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on June 25, 2016 at 4:36pm

There was a church down in Southwest Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, and rub them on her bre...asts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons though because they are so sour, they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while. She agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said............. "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday."

Comment by Lynn MacQ on June 25, 2016 at 3:36pm

And then there was the mathematician who could not afford to buy lunch. He could binomial

The police say that a dwarf committing fraud as a fortune teller has escaped custody. There is a small medium at large

Comment by Lynn MacQ on June 25, 2016 at 3:34pm

Why do flamingos stand on one leg? Because if they lifted it up they'd fall down.

I once wanted to be an artist and now I can draw a cork as well as any man.

Comment by laura52 on June 24, 2016 at 10:34am

Oh I loved the pen/pencil.  Priceless!  Thanks Gregory.

Lowell, how accurate! :D As she gives the evil smirk!

Comment by Lowell Brandon on June 24, 2016 at 12:07am

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on June 23, 2016 at 2:14pm

When NASA started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work at zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that wrote at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.

Comment by GREGORY A HEENAN on June 23, 2016 at 11:47am

Comment by Lynn MacQ on June 23, 2016 at 8:57am

LOL, LOL Richard Davis..

Comment by Lynn MacQ on June 23, 2016 at 8:54am

Missing wife in Maine

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Bar Harbor, Maine man answered his door to find two grim-faced Maine State Troopers.  "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the troopers.
 
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens  asked. The troopers looked at  each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Which would you like to hear first?"
 
Fearing the  worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper  said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we  found your  wife's body in the bay."
 
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Maine Lobsters that you have ever seen and 60 good-sized Rockfish clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
 
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's  the good news, then what's  the great news?"
 
The trooper  replied, "We're gonna pull her up again  tomorrow."
Comment by Richard Davis on June 23, 2016 at 6:13am

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

 

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alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
"pvr night and maybe big brother its "
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alexander Mollison commented on alexander Mollison's group The Kitties
" phew another humid day, at least here lol air is back on, gave it a rest last night. have a good Friday out for papers"
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