I never told anyone I was Superwoman and the last time I looked I didn't have any of Wonder Woman's lassos. So why is the best I can do just not good enough? I was strong when I began, but now my body is falling apart inch by inch. The stress alone is desensitizing me much like living in a high crime area. I…Continue
I was going to write a funny story today but it is just not happening. Today, I feel like I am 100 years-old because my legs are just not working well these days. Of course I know what the issues are, but it scares me, and reminds me of what my late mother went through.
My mother lost the use of her legs one snowy New Year's Eve at a friends home. My father thought she had consumed…
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What happens when the chemo is stopped?
What happens when you are told nothing is achieving results?
Who listens to the conversations and then decides what is best for you?
Do you have any say when doctors sense failure and do they listen to your…Continue
I watch him slumped over in the chair as the day comes to an end. It has been just a little over a year that he was terminally diagnosed, and now we embark on his estimated final year. No one can tell you when you are going to die but I wonder if he is grateful for each moment of life he…Continue
Each day I greet a young woman on my travels that has been blind since birth. She may not be able to see what my eyes do, but still hears the spinning wheels of my oncoming cart. Clutching only her white cane, she counts her days as a blessing while I now find each hour has become similar and tedious.
As I watch the cancer steal more time, I wonder if I could look after him in a better way if I could not see. My friend always attempts to feel the world and she…
Valerie Harper's brain cancer is almost in remission and she was given the choice to sit it out or dance. Harper chose to dance and is going to be on Dancing With the Stars and team up with her old cast mates from The Mary Tyler Moore Show…Continue
For the first time this morning I watched a school of goldfish in the pond swim towards me to be fed. It has taken me weeks to train the former interior aquarium habitats to come eat by the sound of my voice. I have worked hard to train them and wonder why I cannot seem to simulate this process in real life.…Continue
It's another day and sometimes you wonder why you get up. The same issues flow through the air and the cancer rages on in stereo. Some moments there is hope and sometimes in just a fleeting second hope is lost.
How can I save the world I ask myself each…Continue
My body continues to tread water through its daily existence and each day challenges me to find some sort of grounding. I often wonder who needs taking care of as I find myself sometimes spiraling in a downwards cycle-- not even taking a required break.
This time is different and my load is not as heavy, but my mind cannot seem to process things when it should be a snap. I search for answers on a daily basis and "hell hath no fury" for those that get in my way. I want…Continue
If I thought my chapter on cancer was overloaded, yesterday more pages were stapled in without my permission. My friend, writer Susie Lindau, wrote a blog yesterday called…
A long time ago when I felt people didn't understand me and my crazy life I would walk to my favourite store and hide out next to the cupboard that held the Nancy Drew books. Eventually I would save enough to purchase one and would read it from front to back a dozen times. Nancy didn't know what I was…
Yesterday I read a short story written by Frank Stockton in 1882 that was mentioned on Susie Lindau's blog called…Continue
The Story of the Caretaker and Relationships
The last time someone in my family was dying from cancer my life changed completely. Things that were important the day before were no longer sitting in my top 10 list. Some don't understand that your life becomes saturated with emotions—some rational, some not so much. Natural instincts cause you to don imaginary body armor to protect yourself from what is about to…Continue
I've spent months fighting for mental survival and physical health and now I find myself in an oasis. A few weeks ago I could feel the wear and tear on my body but tried not to notice as he was continually fighting for his life. How do you tell someone that your health is declining when they barely have…Continue
When someone passes away it is customary for others to bring food to the family who are mourning their departed. The reason given is that it helps those who are too grief stricken to cook or even think about food.
Wakes were originally established to watch over…Continue
This blog was in response to the Writer Wednesday's Challenge- "The Shadow Knows"
Billie Joe looked at her husband fading before her and wondered how they both got to this moment in time. The cancer was slowly eating away at him and he…Continue
I looked out of the window at a cold outdoor view that probably would not change for months.…Continue
This morning he sat at the kitchen island with winter gloves on because the feel of a stainless steel fork hurt his hands. Once again the after-effects of chemo have made his hands intolerable to cold temperatures and sensitive beyond…