This is dedicated to family and friends so that they might understand my continued pursuit of happiness. Bigger and better is not always the right choice sometimes. I try to put aside my rightness in most situations now to get a better perspective on things. Some people never ever get it and I was almost one of them.
Yesterday I got an email from someone saying that some people find me annoying, cloying, and overdone, amongst other things. I did not know if that was supposed to be some sort of revelation to me because it's not. I would be the first to admit that I am all these things and more. In fact I used to be worse and it took death, a fire and losing everything to finally find myself.
Am I annoying? I can be the person you just do not want to be around sometimes as I talk too much about everything. There is nothing I do not have a comment on and somehow even if you do not want to hear it; you do. I greet everyone and anything that moves and have been dubbed "Chatty Cathy” by a loved one. But I am very sincere in what I do.
Am I cloying? Being a forced High School dropout I had no idea what the word meant so I looked it up. Of course I am overly sweet, way too much sometimes and it is worse in real life. I really care about people and will bulldoze anything in my way to help them. I have little money but I can offer them words of support. Sometimes another fault of mine fits along side that and I end up trying to do things running as fast as I can in a cart without a horse.
I have been warned time and time again through life not to get involved in things because it will end up backfiring. And yes, sometimes it does. But if no one puts that first foot forward who will? That is one of the major problems with today’s world. Everyone is flying by the seat of their pants and into their own agenda. Granted in today’s fearful world some people’s agendas are extremely important, but surely someone can take a chance.
Am I overdone? One only has to look at me and the clothes I used to design to understand that. I have really calmed down over the years but you just cannot put a girl like me back in a box. As Lady Gaga sings,
“I was born this way!”
Plus I’d rather be overdone than underdone.
One day I woke up and I had nothing. From having everything that money could buy I suddenly had to do without and only had myself. I realized in a short period of time that I did not need what I once had. Neither did I care for the type of person I was turning into in my former life. I am no saint by any means but I began to learn to stop feeling sorry for myself, my past, and begin to release the anger I had in me.
I still get involved and state my opinions, but I'm done with the fighting. I have learned there are way too many other things going on that are more important than creating ill will. But when I really believe in something I fight in my own way - sometimes keeping it to myself and doing things in the background, unlike the times I would drag things out into the open. Better to put out a fire quietly than throw gas on it.
I have many faults that I freely admit to, but my heart is true and always will be and for that I offer no apologies. I finally realized it’s not all about me; it is really about the world and who is in it. What you see and read on my blog everyday is what you get from me in person.
Frightening isn't it?
In my heart I believe there is a place for everyone somewhere, no matter who you are and whatever faults you have.
Just love and accept yourself because as Marlo Thomas once wrote, it's okay to be "Free like You and Me." It's just finding me before its too late that is the problem and then dealing with it.
Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another's trouble,
Courage in your own.
~Adam Lindsay Gordon
Images and text by Linda Seccaspina