Last year during Denny's Baconalia food festival I wrote a blog about my meal and when I saw that Burger King had started putting bacon on their ice cream last month, I knew we had gone too far. The bacon doomsday clock is now officially ticking as we count down to Porkocalypse, a bacon shortage predicted this week by the U.K.'s National Pig Association. I have decided to share this blog with you now - as memories may be all we have left soon
As each Spring rolls around it means that the Tim Horton’s Maple Double Dip Donut is in season and Canadians rejoice! Anything maple flavored screams Canada and even U.S grocery chain Trader Joe’s caters to transplanted Canadians in the U.S. by offering mock Maple Leaf Cookies on their shelves. But where is the bacon?
So it was of great delight to see Denny’s offering up their new "heart attack on a plate" menu of bountiful bacon meals with a hint of maple called "Baconalia". Yes their sacred festival of bacon offers something called: “The Maple Bacon Ice Cream Sundae” and I was gung ho to try it.
As I looked at the Denny’s website I noticed that they were proud sponsors of AARP. I found that quite strange due to the vein clogging menu they serve. Are they are working hand in hand with the government and did they create this new "Baconalia" menu to get rid of the overflowing senior population like myself?
Not really caring, I took my life into my own hands and ordered the Pepper Bacon and Egg Slam. I cannot eat toast due to having celiac disease so I promptly opened a small packet of grape jelly to put over my eggs while watching raised eyebrows around me. I looked at Steve as he shook his head and I said,
“And your problem is?”
The waitress assured me when I ordered my bacon sundae that I would be very pleased. I secretly thought that I might not make it to dessert and they might have to Medevac me out of there. But I succeeded and the sundae was presented with two large spoons and loads of napkins. When we got home, I walked into the loft and smelled the air. I promptly said,
“Good Lord, we both reek of bacon!”
I swear I did not read about any impending bacon shortage in the book of Revelations and have just joined the group "Friends Of Bacon" on Facebook for bacon shortage survival tips. I also emailed Voodoo Donuts in Oregon this week and told them quite sternly:
"So until this is sorted out, no more chocolate-covered bacon and bacon maple doughnuts okay?"
I even emailed Urban Outifitters and also asked them to make sure that their bacon lip balm contains no bacon during this Hogocaust. Will Walmart start raising the price on their pet treats Beggin Strips? Considering what people eat these days, it wouldn't surprise me if they simply marketed them for human consumption.
Maybe Chuck Norris is right and a 1000 years of darkness is looming on the horizon, but then again my Mayan calendar says not to worry about that. It's almost the end of the world as we know it anyways.
Text and images: Linda Seccaspina 2012
The Eating of the Sundae- take 1
The Eating of the Sundae take 2
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Linda will also have a story in Lanark County's The Humm in August