Christmas Cake Recipe
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 bottle Vodka
2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the vodka to check the quality. In fact, have
a bit more, just to be entirely certain that it is
of a suitable standard to use in this recipe.
Take a large bowl, and check the vodka again to be
sure it is the highest quality; pour one level cup
and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl.
Check the vodka again to ensure that it is at the
Add one teaspoon of sugar to the bowl. Beat again. At
this point it's best to make sure the vodka is still
Try another cup ....... just in case!
Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried
druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a
Sample the vodka to check the tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who givsh a
Check the vodka.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
vodka and kick the cat.
Fall into bed.