Christmas is just about here, where am I?

I am writing this tonight because I need to share something. I found out a friend of mine, a cyber friend, lost their wife this past week. It was very sudden. It came on the heels of so much else, job loss, losing his home and now his wife suddenly passing.

I sit here in this decorated home, with so many presents waiting to be opened, children sleeping upstairs and dogs down for the night. I sit here thinking about my friend. We have never met but he and others were writers on another site. We all read each other's work, we built a community and then another way to chat on facebook with some groups. For some of us this is an important part of our lives. It is the interaction and the creative outlet that we need because we do not have that in our regular lives.

Over the years I have always been with people, volunteering, working, being a mom, I wore many hats like most women do. These last few years of writing, significant writing, have helped me focus and revert back to myself. It has allowed me to get at the core of so many things that were once important to me, but no longer had the time for. A focus on me the person was allowed, not just me the mom or the wife. I have grown. 

Many people write. They write the words which remain unspoken because if they were said aloud, there might not be anyone there to hear them. I have been hearing those words from many of my friends online. We are a life line for each other.

Christmas will probably never be the same for my friend who just lost his wife. I don't see how it could be. I look around this house and see all the decorations, the abundance of food and cookies, home made, once a year kind of extravagance; and I think. I think about my friend and others like him who have lost so much in the last few months and now this. How incredibly sad it all is. My heart is very disturbed by all this pain.

Since we were married my husband and I have always made an effort to donate to someone at this time of year, to show our appreciation of having "enough".

Many times it was a simple little gesture like sending money for thread to women at a rural church who were quilting for people who needed blankets, children in hospitals. Mostly prompted by newspaper stories, we would find something that would just jump out at us, and we would say, " this is where our extra bit will go this year".

When I started writing this, I had not thought of my friend, but suddenly with all this attempt at expressing my sorrow and grief over his situation, his wife's unexpected passing, I see the thread of my action.

Christmas is just about here, and I now know where I am. 

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Comment by Sheila Luecht on December 23, 2012 at 9:36pm

Ellen, I know how that is to have many people suddenly start to pass away. It is a mark of aging I think. Most of my aunts and uncles, parents, in laws and even one sibling have passed. I am aware of my own mortality, I am not in great health, but I am surrounded by a very loving family and a cyber family too! Christmas is still very meaningful for me and I am appreciating it once again. I feel so sad for my friend. I hope he can experience peace.

Comment by Ellen Ann on December 23, 2012 at 6:54pm

I think our expectations of Christmas are too high.  If you go to church, you will find solace there if that is what you want.  I am so sorry for your friend who has gone through so much.  He will need friends and even professional help to come out of these tragedies in one piece.  I am at an age when most of my aunts and uncles are suddenly passing away.  It is a very strange feeling and has made me very aware of my own mortality.  Fortuntely, I am healthy and happy this Christmas, but as I age, I become more subdued.  I am not a writer but I can lose myself in a good book which is a great escape for me.


Comment by Sheila Luecht on December 23, 2012 at 1:13pm

Christine, that is what I am feeling. A kind of lack of hope in a way, where is hope in abundance if there is so much pain, loss and lack? Like we say around here, " A disturbance in the force."

Comment by Christine Geery on December 23, 2012 at 1:11pm

Christmas is incredibly hard for so many. The other night Daniel and I passed by a shelter where people were waiting to be fed and it broke my heart. Even though we give what we can, it still is not enough. Death of a loved one is difficult at any time but the holidays are the worst. There are just no words.

Comment by Sheila Luecht on December 23, 2012 at 1:00pm

No easy paths is right Steve. Thanks for weighing in on this, you too Zanelle and Linda. It is a journey in life, this one is especially poignant at Christmas.

Comment by Steve S on December 23, 2012 at 11:53am

No easy paths.

Comment by Linda Seccaspina on December 23, 2012 at 9:51am

I agree Zanelle

Comment by Zanelle on December 23, 2012 at 9:36am

What I find so amazing is the Tink is writing with us and sharing the load.   I lost my boyfriend and blogged about it everyday until I felt better.  I still do that.  Lunchlady was incredible at sharing what she was going through when her sons and husband died.  This forum is powerful.  My heart goes out to all who are passing through trouble and you get a gold star for being a helper.

Comment by Linda Seccaspina on December 23, 2012 at 9:22am

We have all have 'things going down' but this is beyond belief. How you can be here one day and not the next is mind boggling.

I do not have much but I donated to the oursalon fund.. It is the very least we can do. I know what you mean that we have everything and he is suffering so why should rejoice.

Life is so darn precious.



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