An actual "Letter to the Editor" with "a few slight additions" thrown in from The Carleton Place Canadian, Carleton Place, Ontario: December 16, 1948 edition
In a letter to the editor of The Carleton Place Canadian newspaper in December of 1948 a concerned citizen simply known as J.R.P. wrote a scathing letter about the ongoing power shortages. He was furious about the outage the day before and said it was a complete joke. J.R.P. was angry the lights had gone out while he sat relaxing in the barber's chair. Apparently his "tonsorial artist" as he called him, was in the middle of trimming his beard, an appendage he admires, even though the ladies don't like how it tickles.
The barber informed him he could continue trimming J.R.P.'s beard in the dark and so he did. As our fair gentleman strolled down Bridge Street later several friends greeted him with a hearty “Good Evening George!” His name was not George, and as he looked at his reflection in Oklimins he realized the barber had made him look like an exact facsimile of George Bernard Shaw. Not bad for a power outage he thought, but when the cleaner told him he had only pressed one leg of his trousers due to the blackout he began to change his tune.
When he arrived home he noticed his fridge was leaking and his wife was in a bad mood as her soap opera heroine was about to be thrown off from the top of the castle when the power was cut. He decided enough was enough, took a walk, and as he ventured back home he thought he saw his wife ahead of him. He grabbed the woman only to find out it wasn't, and then had to contemplate how he was going to explain the scratch on his face to his wife. The climax came when he was passing St. James Anglican Church and voices from the Parish Hall were singing, “Praise God from who All Blessings Flow” at an ungodly volume.
J.R. P. had enough and as the children dressed as shepherds opened the Parish Hall door and marched towards the church he had some serious thoughts. Was this power shortage business just a political stunt or could God be at work in this force? Is this force God? Will learning more about electricity bring us closer to God? Maybe electricity is the Holy Spirit? I'm going to have a shot of whiskey he thought and then I'll see if I can figure this out. After all I learned long ago from George Bernard Shaw, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
Carleton Place Canadian Stories from the Past
Stories About St. James:
On March 23, 1743, The Messiah, written by George Frideric Handel (1685 – 1759) in 1741, was performed for the 1st time in London, England. Present was the King of England. The king was so moved by the singing of the “Hallelujah Chorus,” he spontaneously stood to his feet and remained standing until the end of Handel’s masterpiece. (And when the king stands up, EVERYBODY stands up.) Ever since that day, it has been customary for the audience to stand whenever the “Hallelujah Chorus” is sung.
Linda Seccaspina was born about the same time as the wheel was invented and the first time she realized she could tell a tale was when she got caught passing her smutty stories around in Grade 7. After she wrote her own obituary in 2010 when Derek "Wheels" Wheeler from Degrassi Jr. High died, people told her she should think about a career in writing obituaries.
Before she laid her fingers to a keyboard, Linda owned the eclectic store Flash Cadilac in Ottawa. The Ottawa Citizen newspaper labeled her "The Maiden of Death" even though they had no clue why and she has had to deal with the rumours for years.
Linda has published three books and blogs most days on Zoomers Canada. She has been called the most stubborn woman in Lanark County and has requested her ashes to be distributed in any Casino parking lot as close to any Wheel of Fortune machine as you can get. But since she published her obituary, most people assume she's already dead.
Books by Linda Seccaspina available on Amazon or at Read's Books 135 Bridge St Carleton Place, ON K7C 2V6