"Mary, did you know that one of the cases that will be discussed by doctors in the new series of BBC3's Bizarre ER next Monday involves a woman who had an unusual pain in her private area in 2010?
After extensive tests they found out that the problem was a rolled-up poster of her idol Donny Osmond that had somehow found it's way inside her 'Puppy Love'."
"Well Joan,'that's a little bit me and little bit you' isn't it? Actually I have many questions about this whole news report. Had it been forgotten and left in there since the 70's?"
"Are we talking life-size poster or one of those 16 Magazine tear- out posters we used to have? I need more details!!"
"Of all the things a desperately passionate person could shove in their 'Puppy Love'; a rolled-up Donny Osmond poster is not the first thing that comes to mind Joan."
"I bet if Donny knew all about this he would say 'Go Away Little Girl' ! Right?"
"That's one place you really don't want a paper cut!"
"I wonder if anyone else had a hand in it and was she listening to "Are You Lonesome Tonight?"
"If you're going to think about things to do with a Donny Osmond poster, make sure you at least tape an exit string to it first for any project!"
"Let's keep it clean everyone!"
"Yes, keep it clean, and never ever turn your 'Puppy Love' into a poster tube no matter who your idol is!"
"Was that poster framed?" asked the 'Soldier of Love'.
"Was it autographed?"
"I'm just irritated I don't get BBC3 because I would really like to watch this show!"
"I'd just like to know why she chose Osmond? Why not David Cassidy, Andy Gibb or even Scott Baio? I find this really bizarre to tell you the truth, and I am scared to even ask where they found her Marie Osmond doll!
Well, I guess we'll never know and just assume she was just a "little bit country and a little bit rock n' roll!"
Linda Seccaspina 2012