I went to run my bath. Oh, the luxury, I so missed this. Anna and Debra had purchased what should have been a "tear down", it probably is just that now, a "torn down". No matter how much blood, sweat and tears we put into it, it had that hopeless sad feel. I had wallpapered the bathroom in "Dancing Tulips" the fad print of the time. It was indigo, with coral tulips gashed about as if painted by some Dali-esc wannabe. I put the pearl grey carpeting Debra and I so loved from Weslayan through the house. No matter, the floors were slanted, the walls trying to pull loose from the foundation. The closets in my house in Champions were larger than the bathroom. Needless to say, bathing was more of a chore than a leisure activity. 

I had a wonderful garden tub with a Jacuzzi. The huge window faced the private terrace where we had a separate entrance in and out of our bedroom. I slid down into the lavender and was lulled into a false sense of well-being. I felt a bit unnerved and was grateful for the time off from emotional gymnastics. I scanned the wall outside the terrace. It was a 10 foot wall, brick, hard to scale. But I had a secret longing that she would be standing there, somehow, unable to be outside of her grasp of me for any amount of time. Foolish girl. Foolish woman! No-one was there. I stepped out of the tub. I put on the Georgio perfume she so loved and purchased for my use. Powder, brushed my teeth and hair which I put into a braid to bathe, pulled out the braid and let it hang loose.

I slipped on a gown my mother-in-law gave me from Anais Anais. It was ecru silk in the art deco fashion of a cupid bow across the top and mirrored in the ruffle at the bottom. I pulled on the matching mint green robe with the Anais Callas Lilies. I was not dressing for anything in particular, this is how I went to bed every night and Jackie certainly appreciated it.

I received great pleasure from nightwear finery at Christmas. Garbo flowing dressing gowns and Marylyn PJ’s.

I fell fast asleep with images of the day before dancing through my thoughts. I had a lifetime to ruminate these images.

The room was lit only by the moon playing through the trees out the terrace to my bedroom.

Debra kissed me as she peeled off her shirt and jeans. She then lifted the strap to my nightdress ever so gently off my shoulder, took it down my right arm as she kissed my left shoulder.

I barely lifted out of my slumber; I enjoyed the dream ever so much and did not want to be awakened. My head was buried in my pillow my belly flat against the mattress. Dead to the world as it were. I had not slept this hard in days, weeks. I know Judas wanted attention, and something told me if I let him out, Debra may be waiting. Should I ? No, I shouldn’t. If she was, let her wait. The Iron gate was locked as was the front door. I was safe in my self-exile.

Judas had better back off.