A set of pictures by photographer Carrie M Becker shocked me beyond belief yesterday. Could it possibly be that Barbie is a hoarder? Did Mattel know what she was doing and are they sending her to therapy? If Barbie is so popular why do we have to buy her friends like Ken and Midge and a hoard of others? When I went searching online to seek out friends that might help her with this addiction this is what I found. I did not make these up; these are projected Barbie’s I found online and could almost be human Barbies!
Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! She comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
Facial Hair Barbie: As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! She is available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
Bunion Barbie: Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, and then slip on soft terry mules.
No More Wrinkles Barbie: Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
Soccer Mom Barbie: All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. With a minivan in robin’s egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
Mid-life Crisis Barbie: It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Fred (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do"
Divorced Barbie: Sells for $199.99. It comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
Single Mother Barbie: There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken, Jr, in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.
Recovery Barbie: Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does twelve steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.
Post-Menopausal Barbie: Poor Babs wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.
No wonder Barbie is hoarding; soon she will become Shock Therapy Barbie that comes complete with a car battery and wires will be included. With all the accessories one must buy for her no wonder she is hoarding. I personally hope the "My Little Pony" gang are faring better than our sweet Barbie. From the looks of the photo below, they might need some shock therapy too.
Top Photo: The Atlantic Wire by Carrie M Becker
Other Photos by Linda Seccaspina