No way Would I Drink From the Fountain of Youth... Yet


This is what I wrote in response to WordPress's Daily Prompt Forever Young

If there were a real Fountain of Youth, would you drink the water?

I'm not sure if I would drink the water... yet, but last year I met a woman from Sugarland, Texas, who, if given the opportunity, would have chugged from the Fountain of Youth. I met her at a Super Bowl Party that my brother, Steve and sister-in-law Shelley (My partner in crime) took John and I to.

IMG_0686Brother Steve, Shelley, me and John

Not going to lie, I'd already consumed a few glasses of wine before I struck up a conversation. John says it was more like a vat of wine. He exaggerates.


I'm on the left, Shelley is on the right.

Hostess: More Wine?

Me: Thank you. Cheers. So, let me get this straight. You have a level 5 black belt in karate, manage your own Dojo, have two kids in their twenties, say you're just over fifty, but don't look a day over forty. I'm the same age, but my eyebrows are falling out, I have wrinkles here, here and here, along with sun damage. What's your secret?

Hostess's friend: To start off I've had my eyebrows tattooed.


Not really her. That would have been rude.

Me: You're kidding me? Didn't know you could do that. Mind if I get a little closer and look? Well, I'll be damned, so they are. I'll just touch them. Hmmm... that's amazing. Hey. Your eye liner is perfect too.

Joyce: Also tattooed.

Shelley: No S@#$!!!!!!! While I'm up close and personal, anything else you want to share? What about your forehead? Not one wrinkle.

Hostess: More wine?

Me: Wine not? Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Cheers! Try frowning. Nope. Nothing. Smooth as a baby's bottom. Look Shelley.

Hostess's friend: Botox. But shhhhhhhh...

Me: Of course. Of course. Sorry. And no lines around your eyes because?

Hostess's friend: Also Botox.

Me: Man.That S@#t is amazing. Freakin' unbelievable! And your lips? Don't tell me. Botox?

Hostess's friend: Correct. Notice anything else about them?

Me: Aside from the fact that your lipstick's perfect? WTF???? No way. They're tattooed too?

Example of tattooed lips.


I know! I was surprised Sarah had this done too.

Hostess: More wine?

Me: FILL 'ER UP!!!!  CHEERS!!!!!! No way. What if you want to change your lipstick colour?

Hostess's friend: Just apply it over the top. Hey, what are you doing? Stop rubbing my lips!!! What the... ?

Me: Just checking, in case you're trying to pull one over on me. Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Hey, want to be in a Crack Gang? I'm going to start one. Shelley and I are the first members. I'm the leader because I thought of it.

Hostess's friend: Uhhh....

Me: But you have to show the crack of your bum first. Right Shelley?

Shelley: That's right.

Me: It's because I forgot my belt tonight. Get it? OH! HA! HA! HA! Stand up. STAND UP!!!! There you go.

Hostess's friend: Uhhh.....

Me: Once you show your crack, you're in. Got any more wine? We'll need to toast the new member.

Hostess: Uhhhh....


kung fu

Not really me. That's silly. No one can kick that high.

Hostess and Hostess's friend:...

Me: SHELLLEYYYYY!!!!!!! Did you see where I kicked her? Right in the... OH! HA! HA! HA!  She never even made an attempt to block my Kung Fu Kick. Didn't even twitch.  What is up with that???? OH! HA! HA! HA!  

Shelley: She's sober. Time to go.

Me: Good call. We're sooooo out of here. What a fake. Just like the rest of her.

Shelley and John

Originally published on:

Views: 129

Tags: Bowl, Humour_blog, Red_Wine., Super, Texas, fun


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Comment by Geezerchick on December 19, 2012 at 9:57pm

I'm hanging from a pelvic swing.  Other than the fake hip, missing boob, and repaired collar bone, all parts are original.

Comment by Shelley Smith on December 19, 2012 at 7:20pm

Geezerchick holy Shitzuuu what are you doing??

Comment by Geezerchick on December 19, 2012 at 5:24pm

If that water can undo the cancer, get my old hip back in working order, and get rid of the aches and pains, I don't care what I look like.  Steve, I'm 64 and I consider myself a gym-rat. If you think Queen Tut can do what I'm doing, we have very different images of her bod.

Comment by Steve S on December 19, 2012 at 5:11pm

IMHO= In My Humble Opinion.

Comment by Shelley Smith on December 19, 2012 at 5:08pm

Linda Seccaspina thank you for not saying I shouldn't have kicked her. Maybe that bit wasn't original either??? :)

 Steve S IMHO - In My Home ???   Doesn't matte. I get the preserve image. BTW. If you botox between your brows, you are sorting out your elevensees. (Just remembered that.) :)

Comment by Steve S on December 18, 2012 at 11:02am

IMHO middle aged Gym-rats don't look young at all, they look preserved. Think Queen Tut.

Better to pick a battle you can win.

Comment by Linda Seccaspina on December 17, 2012 at 8:25pm

I know people like her and I give up. They can tattoo- botox and hell even stencil.

I will not join their club. if i go south and everything falls off of me so be it.

I had a good run..:)\



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