Warning- Some might find this offensive
As Stephen Colbert from The Colbert Report lamented on Twitter a few days ago:
"Can't believe the pope quit. It's like that old saying goes: "Does the pope quit in the woods?" I'm pretty sure I got that right."
Yes, Pope Benedict XVI, leader of the Roman Catholic Church and spiritual father to one billion Catholics, will resign as pontiff at the end of this month. Citing his "advanced age," the pope announced his intention to retire at a meeting of cardinals Monday. Benedict the XVl is the first pope to resign since 1415. Frankly there hasn't been this much holy gossip going around since McDonald's discontinued their Super Size.
I have so many questions!
Does the old pope become fallible, and will God offer retiree health benefits? Is Pope Benedict XVI going to be able to keep his hat? I hear the job includes an awesome "flat"! So can we expect to see him on the next Dancing With The Stars?
Maybe we should make a game show for the next contending Pope applicants. They could call it The Amazing Pope or The Last Cardinal Standing. How about some promotional fundraising selling "Popes on a Rope" ?
The province of Quebec in Canada has Cardinal Marc Ouellet up for grabs. (Pontifical University of St. Thomas 1976- Go Angels!) It would be the perfect choice choosing a Canadian who has had the obvious experiences of wearing our national hat- the toque, and an entire assortment of other weird winter head gear.
According to Stephen Colbert from The Colbert Show, Ouellet has one major weakness: he is a Canadian," Colbert said on his late-night show Monday.
"The pope cannot be polite. "Sorry, but I think God might not want you to use a condom, eh,' won't work."
Pardon me for asking, but isn't the province of Quebec only technically Canadian?
Colbert also objected to Ouellet on the grounds that the pope's iconic staff shouldn't change.
"Who wants a pope whose staff looks like this?" he said, showing a photoshopped image of Ouellet dressed in pope robes and holding a Team Canada hockey stick."
Is a Canadian Pope wishful thinking or a perfect moment in history? If they elected a Canadian Pope there would be Poutine trucks in Vatican square and double doubles served at a mini Tim Horton's kiosk. I think it's time to get a younger, different thinking, fresher face into the Papacy. Maybe elect a 75 year old this time.
Pere Poutine for Pope!
Actually I'm really hoping there's a write in vote for Madonna.
Linda has been a member of the Anglican Church of England for 62 years. If you can't laugh at life, then what good is it? :)
The Humm just published another of my stories in their newspaper and online page 7