Yesterday I was reading a great book by Joey Green who wrote the Magic Brands book. I love these books that give you all these solutions to cure everything in the world - even exorcism. Of course I have to disagree with some of them and thought I would share.
Here is a good one for allergies:
Cut open the sides of several trash bags and wrap your mattress and pillows with plastic bags. Tape it into place to prevent dust mites from burrowing into your mattress.
Dust mites burrow? Oh Lord I have seen these things on TV! What size of bag am I going to get for the mattress? Even the leaf size bag is not going to fit. Sleeping on that is going to be like sitting on my grandmother’s couch in the 70’s with the plastic on it.
What Should I do with my Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish?
They say to paint the backs of fly buttons on jeans and posts on earrings with Maybelline clear nail polish to prevent skin irritations.
What if you don't have fly buttons? Do you coat the zipper too?
Why just Maybelline?
What is in Maybelline that other nail polish brands do not have or do we want to know? The only thing I ever used that stuff for was runs on my stockings. Remember pulling those things off your legs after the repairs?
Here is something you can do with coffee filters if you don’t drink coffee like I do.
Use a coffee filter as a dust mask by simply placing it over your nose and mouth and breathing normally.
Listen, I am odd enough as it is! Do I really need to wear a coffee filter too? Will I not look like a rooster? He also says that 80% of house dust is dead skin cells. Lovely, I swear I can feel them crawling all over me now.
What do you do with smelly stinky feet?
You can coat your feet with Preparation H to relax "the athlete" in those feet and then … are you ready??
Crumple up pages from USA Today and shove into your smelly footwear. It says only THIS newspaper will do. Is that before or after the Preparation H?
What does it say about the quality of this paper? Can you get newsprint on your feet?
Should you use the coloured comics page?
Here is a tip for a relaxing bath you have not heard in any beauty magazine.
To give yourself a sponge bath soak a Pampers disposable diaper with water and use it to wipe down your body. During the Gulf War the United States soldiers used disposable diapers to give themselves a bath.
Skin so Soft by Avon - What else does this miracle potion do?
Just fill the bathtub with hot water and add two capfuls of Avon’s Skin So Soft. No, you most certainly do not bathe in it; just use a sponge to rid yourself of that bathtub ring.
Can someone please tell me exactly what is in that Skin So Soft? It’s also a mosquito repellant according to Field and Stream and now a cleaner. This is nothing but scary!
My ongoing history of thigh chafing can be now solved!
At age six my thighs started to chafe in my red wool jodhpurs. The older I got the problem of chafing seemed to get out of control. I used so much baby powder on my red thighs that I left white footprints everywhere I went. So here are a few ideas that you can use:
Spread Alberto VO5 Conditioner over the area being chafed or spray Pam Cooking Spray between your thighs.
Try some Crisco All - Vegetable Shortening also. Just smear a dab over the spot to prevent chafing.
Call me stupid but all I can think of is greased lightening.
Did you also know that to clean your eyeglasses you can spray them with Lysol and let them sit for 5 minutes? Don’t forget to rinse or you will be blinded by the light.
I also read that ten percent of Star Trek fans replace the lenses on their eyeglasses every five years whether they need to or not. Are they using too much Lysol?
Are they so smart that maybe we should do the same? Of course Hippocrates incorrectly claimed that the north wind blowing caused constipation and he was a genius.
Should we believe a Trekkie? Should we go to where no man has gone before? I do believe if we use the Crisco it will be no problem.
No problem at all!
Images and Text: Linda Seccaspina
"Short Shorts" What are we doing to Mother Earth?