The day starts out as I awake from a beautiful dream about sock puppets and donkeys playing violins at 6:45 AM.
7:00 AM - I jump out of bed, excitement in my body and a song in my heart, usually Iron Maiden.
7:15 AM - I down my first round of medication that my parole officer says I must take if I'm to stay out of prison for 'Crimes against Humanity involving a Tuba'. Some laws are just silly!!
7:30 AM - Take a shower. Sing opera under the hot water. I sing opera good.
7:45 AM - Ponder writing a blog post on my many sites. Decide my readers have enough poop of mine to keep them company. ZoomerStaff sends me an email thanking me on that decision. "We like you Jason, but man, you're really pulling in some weird Google search!" I nod.
7:50 AM - Respond to ZoomerStaff. "Sorry!"
8:00 AM - Call my bookie to put $25.00 on Fargo Dancing Elephants for the weekend game!! GO FARGO!!!
8:05 AM - Call my agent to see if there's any jobs available. "Nope!" Stupid agent.
8:10 AM - Write a love letter to my senators and the President.
8:12 AM - First call by Secret Service. "President loves your love letters. Senator Max Baucus not so much!"
8:15 AM - Make scrambled eggs with hash brown potatoes and cheese. Swear I'll get back on my diet tomorrow.
8:30 AM - Watch news. Wonder how I can become senator for the great state of Alabama. Decide next year to run.
8:45 AM - Turn off news. Makes me feel mad. Turn on cartoons. SPONGE BOB!!!!
9:30 AM - Talk a walk to Walmart for inspiration on my book, "PEOPLE OF WALMART"
10:00 AM - Watch a Lifetime Movie - Love stories make me cry but I like watching them.
12:00 PM - Eat lunch. Peanut Butter and Bologna. Why they work together, I have no idea but thanks to my brother for showing me the way.
12:30 PM - Run naked through the streets. Neighbors applaud. Or call the police. Run from police for hours.
3:45 PM - Come home, get dressed. Watch some news. YAY!! I'm on the late afternoon news!
5:00 PM - After long celebration, take shower to clean dust from my naughty bits!
5:40 PM - Make dinner. Stolen steaks from neighbors.
6:00 PM - Dessert. Cherry cake with chocolate ice cream. Neighbors keeps wondering who keeps breaking in to their house.
8:00 PM - After a couple of hours of merriment and long discussion, watch some TV.
12:00 AM - Drink some Nyquil shooters while watching Golden Girls, Fraiser, and Cheers.
3:00 AM - Fall asleep, dream of possible futures or pasts. Never sure. Rinse and repeat.