The Groundhog Speaks
My shadow follows me wherever I go. The more light that’s around me, the darker the shadow gets. Even in the darkness of my lovely den, I fear the shadow is still near, but I can’t see it. It only shows itself in the light.
Sometimes I don’t notice the shadow, that’s what happens when something is almost always there. At other times, I can see the shadow so clearly that I can’t see anything else. The shadow becomes my world. That makes me pretty angry.
Yeah, I wake up early every February. I haven’t been able to hibernate straight through the winter for years. I wake covered in the sweat of anxiety. Every winter, at the same time. They must have a pill for that. I saw a commercial on Jeopardy once.
As soon as I wake up in my warm and mossy den, the anxiety begins to build. I can’t see my shadow, and I don’t know what he’s been up to. I know it’s important to keep track of my shadow. I learned that from reading about Jungian Psychology on Wikipedia.
What, you thought we just slept all winter? We cruise the internet once in a while. Otherwise it would just be too darned boring down in our tunnels.
Sooner or later I get to the point where I can’t get back to sleep. My worries about what mischief that evil shadow of my self is bringing to the world get the best of me.
My little rodent mind won’t stop replaying Grandpa Groundhog’s old stories about the trouble he caused when he didn’t notice that his shadow became Fuehrer and Reich Chancellor of an entire country.
Every year, I get to the point where I just can’t take this tension any more. I have to go out into the daylight and find that damned evil shadow of mine. I don’t know how he does it, but every year he manages to bring around a few hundred idiots in felt hats.
These weirdos can't seem to keep their hands off me. I should bite more often.
Next year I’ll manage to trap that evil shadow before I retreat to my den. Just you wait!
Comment
-
Comment by CreekEnd_UK on February 7, 2013 at 11:16am -
Ground hog vs. Nazi Raccoon. DC or Marvel ?
-
Comment by Steve S on February 7, 2013 at 10:39am
-
Ground Hog = Sausage?
Nothing to see here, keep walking, folks.
-
Comment by CreekEnd_UK on February 7, 2013 at 5:03am
-
"OMG Steve's huge Ground Hog won FRed(tm). OK, so he deserved to,but we can eat it now we stole the recipe. Congrats Steve."
-
Comment by Linda Seccaspina on February 7, 2013 at 12:15am -
congrats Steve... just getting around to this..
-
-
Thanks to the staff for selecting this and their support.
-
-
My groundhog was bigger than my cat. Not sure who'd have walked out of that that Thunderdome.
-
Comment by CreekEnd_UK on February 5, 2013 at 11:35am
-
Damn. The Austrian-Hungarian Empire is worse than the SPanish Inquisition. And nobody mentions the SPanish Inquisition. Nope.
Actually though, you're US treatment to irradicate(sp?) Groundhogs sounds similar to what we use in the MuvverLand to assassinate Moles. Well that and cats. The cats leave no mess and the explosive charges that accompany the smoking holes does pis*_orf the neighbours.
"Yes FRed(tm) I knowe we don't have neighbours but I'm trying to make a point Boy."
-
Comment by Jason Giecek on February 5, 2013 at 11:14am -
Groundhogs are quite edible!! Wait, what? :D
-
-
I had one in my yard in Milwaukee years ago. They make rather large holes in the garden and lawn and give homeowners a rare chance to use poison gas.
You drop a specially made smoke bomb down the hole, cover the holes with plywood and no more groundhogs. They don't get killed, they always leave via an escape tunnel you missed. But they don't come back for a year or two after that treatment.
However, they occasionally form an alliance with the Austrian-Hungarian empire. If that happens you are in big trouble.
-
Comment by CreekEnd_UK on February 5, 2013 at 6:26am
-
Are those Groundhogs edible? I can't see any other reason for their existence except by therapists of course.
ZoomerWire
Groups
Report Abuse
Please post on Zoomers with courtesy and respect; Zoomers has a zero tolerance policy on hate speech; racism, insults, or posts to malign, defame, abuse, threaten, or harass others.
Click here to report Abuse to network administrators.
Click here to read our community guidelines.
Privacy
Zoomers.ca is a public space. Keeping our site public makes it so your content can be found via search engines like google and shared on other social media websites, attracting new viewers and readers to your original content. By default anything you post on zoomers.ca can be seen and searched for by others online.
If you would prefer to keep your content (blogs, photos and videos) and profile private you can change your privacy settings to reflect who you want your content shared with.
© 2013 Created by ZoomerStaff.
You need to be a member of Zoomers to add comments!
Join Zoomers