The Inner Sanctum Signs of Killer Cats!
I have serious allergies to cats but it does not stop me reading funny articles about the little furry devils. The other day I came across a funny article called How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You! and I was intrigued. Wondering if it had anything to do with their annoyance with the new fad Crafting with Cats I decided to read further and find out what the tell-tale signs were and of course put my two-cents into it.
He Kneads You Looking for Inner Organ Weakness
Cats treat you the same way they treat others of their species to remind you you are actually part of their group and no one else. In laymans terms he or she is telling others “Mine Bitches!” but when cats stop rubbing up against your legs is when I would start looking for the vacuum cleaner for self-defense.
Manic Shoveling of Kitty Litter in a Feeble Practice Attempt to Bury Human Family Members
A cat that leaves his waste out in the open is sending the message to everyone that he is El Presidente and that we should be covering up our poop, so as not to offend him.
Yes, if you want to take back your house, it's time to poop in kitty's bed.
Staring Contests to See Which One of you is the Weakest
Remember that your cat is nothing but a malevolent sparring partner to keep your evil mind fit and sharp. There is absolutely no explanation why they stare at nothing like Haley Joel Osment in The Sixth Sense and then run for their lives. It just hints of their opinion: "I love you so much I put up with this crap"- simple as that. They do think you are powerless swine, but they want to help you overcome that.
Bringing you a Constant Dead Critter to Show you who is Boss
Cats love murder that can include: (in no order of importance) mice, birds and exposed ankles.
The cat has noticed your appalling lack of hunting skills and inability to catch your own food, and is trying to teach you, as she would one of her own on how to feed yourself. Cats literally are trying to take you under their wing and train you to be the world's greatest assassin or at least advance you to the next level.
In essence they are Hannibal Lectorish little freaks!
Sleeping on your Keyboard in an Attempt to Cut off all Outside Contact
The affection a cat basically shows is what is called cupboard love.Cats are the secret rulers of the world and never forget that cats, dogs, and most other animals don't think from a human perspective. Damn you, Disney!
Sleeping on your Head in an Attempt at Suffocation
When a cat brushes against your legs, it's less of a furry hug and more of a prison yard tattoo. One that reads, "Owned By: Snooky" !
Suddenly Galloping Around at the Speed of Light is a Legitimate Failed Ambush
Following you around 24 hours day is nothing but a plot to snuff you out. After all; cats are the secret rulers of the world and anything that can say "suffering succotash" is nothing but a minion from hell.
Dedicated to my longtime friend Audrey Bromby and her bad kitty Izzie
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Linda Blogs about this and that daily on:
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Comment
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Comment by Peggy Powell on June 11, 2012 at 9:59am -
I knew it!!! That's what he's doing on the stairs - trying to trip me up!
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Comment by Linda Seccaspina on June 9, 2012 at 10:22pm -
I was waiting for someone to say that kenny hahah
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Comment by Kenneth Sibbett on June 9, 2012 at 8:47pm -
I'm a dog man myself, but I do like a little pussy every now and again!:-)
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Comment by Linda Seccaspina on June 9, 2012 at 4:43pm
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He looks like a keeper... I wish I was not so allergic to them
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Comment by CreekEnd_UK on June 9, 2012 at 4:01pm -
p.s.
Yes I know he was overweight when this photo was taken but he was diabetic,smoked Havana's and drunk from a running tap (faucet sp?). So here's a reduced version of him during a sleepover at a friends. Shame about the plastic table, wot wot.
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Comment by CreekEnd_UK on June 9, 2012 at 3:58pm
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I'm speechless at the comments preferring dawgs. FRed(tm) would be in therapy, IF we had such in the UK and Bacardi Bin Laden my dead Moggie (sorely missed Cigar Fan and good Geezer) would turn in his grave.
"Yes FRed(tm) lets try humming and see if that works Boy. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"
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Comment by Linda Seccaspina on June 8, 2012 at 8:34pm
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I believe it Tink.:)
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Comment by Jason Giecek on June 8, 2012 at 6:16pm -
Cats are plotting to kill youze!! TRust me!! ~:D
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Comment by Linda Seccaspina on June 8, 2012 at 3:36pm
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sheila love them all
matt I do not know how you deal with 7
Mary... HUGGGGGGGGGGG
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Comment by Matt Paust on June 8, 2012 at 2:12pm -
We have seven. They practice coordinated attacks, such as frontal assaults and pincer movements. They try to make it look like they're playing...ha.
They even have their own air force.
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