Schadenfreude News


November 30, 2011                       Early Edition                                  50 cents


                                       “All the News That Creates a Giggling Fit”


                                                             TOP STORIES




Gingrich Wife: “I Had Affair With Herman Cain”

“So did we,” admit Newt’s two ex-wives


Congress Accidentally Eliminates Own Salaries

Typo in 1,500-page bill will save America millions annually


Rick Santorum Drops Out of Race Following Bar Scandal

Insists he didn’t know The Horny Pecker had gay clientele 


Wisconsin Governor Walker Recalled

Belongings moved from Governor’s mansion by unionized company


Rush Limbaugh Admitted to Betty Ford Clinic

Claims he bit Ann Coulter because Oxycontin made him think she was turkey leg




Casey Anthony Drowns Off Florida Coast

Nearby children didn’t hear her cries for help


Rare Bird Species Creates Nest in Donald Trump’s Hair

Removal would be violation of Endangered Species Act




Berlusconi, Strauss-Kahn Dead in Murder-Suicide

After discovering each had pawed the other’s daughter


New Miss Universe is From Nigeria

“Why doesn’t Jason Giecek answer my emails?” she wails




Fox News Loses Broadcasting License

Evidence of violations gathered when Rupert Murdoch’s phone was hacked


Bank CEO Dies After Eating Tainted Caviar

Eaten after speech defending economic inequality


New Social Media Website Makes Facebook Worthless

Mark Zuckerberg files for bankruptcy




Cutthroat Businessmen Finish First, Study Shows

Report on premature ejaculation published in NEJM




Penn State Fails to Attract New Football Recruits

Team may have to disband


Suck for Luck: Indy Colts Finish 0-16, Clinch #1 Draft Pick

Andrew Luck returning to Stanford for senior year, refuses to play for “crappy team”




Ashton Kutcher Loses Penis in Tragic Accident

Demi Moore reportedly dating Ryan Gosling


Carrot Top Loses Voice Following Routine Throat Surgery

Comedy clubs offer free admission in celebration


11th Letter Mysteriously Disappears From Alphabet

im ardashian decries inability to promote self, family



Local forecast: Sunny, mild temperatures, mid 70s

Where your ex lives: Nor'easter expected, high winds and rain, power outages likely 


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Comment by Cranky Cuss on December 4, 2011 at 12:22pm

James: What is this OS of which you speak?  I have heard rumors of a magical place where people blog happily, but have seen no proof, only "Internet Explorer can not display the webpage."  I suspect is an urban myth.

Comment by James M. Emmerling on December 4, 2011 at 10:32am

you forgot LOCAL.


all news is local these days, they say. i agree. my locality is the Internet.

it is in my head. that's as local as a fellow gets.


local news= man on internet in blue shirt named James is

thrown violently off OS , unable to do a damn thing, ironically viewing

art james is somehow getting thru, also ironically seeing kerry l's promise of bigger

faster better, and wishing to write

some kinda thing.

i dunno what kinda thing til OS inspires me to . maybe: vampires. watching true blood now.

season 3. little blonde chick is a fairy! ha

Comment by Matt Paust on December 1, 2011 at 2:45pm

I read somewhere that you had won the schadenfreude cookoff.  I now can see why. Yummm.  I'd say what Cranky said, but he didn't comment here, so I'll say what Steve and Linda said.  Can't think of my own thing to say?  That's a good question.  I'll get back to you.

Comment by Steve S on November 30, 2011 at 12:09pm

Welcome to da Great Northern Smackdown.

"I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me."

Comment by Linda Seccaspina on November 30, 2011 at 9:39am

Well that opened my eyes this morning..:) and laughter

I posted your link in their Challenge blog so they will see it. If you have a chance mayve you can add it.. as sometimes they think I am duplicating mine hahaha


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