Last year at the age of 53 Barbie was exposed in the media as a hoarder. Mattel was very secretive about the whole issue and never made an attempt to cover up her bad habits – in fact they never even issued a hot hoarding line for Barbie. Saturday Barbie turned 54 and I wondered what she was going to top this year off with.
This is what Mattel would like you think Barbie's real life is.
Barbie is actually a Facebook fanatic who has a compulsive eating disorder. Spanx adds a helping lycra hand to her all the time.
In her quest to keep current for the tween set she performed Amy Winehouse cover-songs at local bars and sang about rehab.
She became active in sports and attempted to Bend it Like Beckham.
She hammed it up on the Mad Men set.
In her quest to regain her popularity she sent Ken over the environmental edge.
Dr. Phil tried his darnedest but in the end Barbie and Ken went their separate ways.
Barbie spiraled out of control and went to a fat farm.
She slid through jobs faster than a greasy hamburger.
She tried to gain her sanity and self-respect back by having a boob reduction.
Finally, she went over the edge and was spinning in circles.
Booze and pescription pills replaced her best friend Midge.
Barbie finally had a Mattel mental breakdown.
She became addicted to the self-help phone lines.
When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself and Barbie finally found herself.
Barbie came to her senses, dumped all her friends and finally had a mission.
She gave her new plan 110%.
Barbie finally came up with something Barbie collectors would really want and her world was no longer empty as she now lived by the rule of Different Strokes for Different Folks. Different strokes in more ways than one.
Former CHS student Bob Bromby enjoying the book!