What Women Really Don't Want - Dating Tips for the Challenged Male

 
No mockery about our 18 bottles of hair products in the shower please.
 
If a nice guy has action figures, he better have a law degree, medical degree or substantial trust fund.
 
Lava lamps are not making a comeback.
 
Dirty hair combs - if a guy has hair of course!
 
Dirty underwear with skids not achieved while driving in a storm.
 
Not learning how to wipe-down and aim. Algae growing in your toilet bowl is not usually the mark of a REAL man.
 
Taxidermy and having a moose over your fireplace is a huge no-no!
 
A restraining order and messages from your ex-wife on your answering machine are particularly unappealing.
 
A bookshelf full of conspiracy theories.
 
Real dishes, I don't like to eat out of containers and use plastic cutlery.
 
Blacklight is out and that spooky velvet paint-by-number on the wall does not makes the entire room come together.
 
Ordering Twilight DVDS at a discount, and placing them strategically on all on the shelves is not foreplay.
 
Of course countless Bongs are out of the question!
 
Toilet Paper- and there are many:
 
Stocking the bathroom with paper towels from the gym, gas station, and other such places is a no-no.
 
Having many empty spools of toilet paper scattered as kick-toys is not a turn-on!
 
If there's no toilet paper your sheets aren't really clean anyways!
 
Pants are not portable hand towels!
 
Rotting corpses of previous girlfriends is a deal breaker every time.
 
Retro is not cheap furniture and about the mattress on the floor? If you're too old to bend over to change the sheets, you're old enough for a big-boy bed.
 
Floors are not an efficient shelf.
 
If you disagree with some of these maybe you don't really want a girlfriend or wife, and just be thankful you have that internet connection!
From my Book Naked Yoga Twinkies and Celebrities..

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Tags: boyfriends, dating-tips, freaks-and-geeks, geeks, humor, humour, men-dating-men

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Comment by Linda Seccaspina on June 13, 2014 at 8:18am

yup ha haha

Maybe chuck

Not even going to go there  peggy

Comment by Matt Paust on June 12, 2014 at 3:34pm

I'm guessing it's not the man she's looking for, it's the environment.   She'd spurn Jon Hamm for a dirty comb?  Wanna bet?

Comment by chuck wilson on June 12, 2014 at 3:16pm

No Mad Magazines on the coffee table? Maybe I got a shot after all.

Comment by Peggy Powell on June 11, 2014 at 6:40pm

I agree except about the black light.  Maybe he's got lots of uranium glass!!!

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